Hopeless
by ShadowJay
Summary: Clary Fray has lost all hope. She is mercilessly beaten both physically and emotionally by her cruel heart-broken father and vicious brother, on a daily basis. School which should be a safe haven just brings a whole different kind of terror into her life. Can a certain golden boy change her life? Will she be able to trust him? Can he save her before she ends it all?
1. Chapter 1

I DONT OWN ANY OF THE TMI CHARACTERS THEY BELONG TO CASSANDRA CLARE! NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH I OWNED JACE((: please enjoy the first chapter and review! This is my first experience on writing a fan fiction so please don't be to hard on me!

-kelse-

**CHAPTER ONE:**

I was running through the tall grass trying to find a suitable place to hide. "30,31,32.." I quickly leaped into a small bush and formed a small ball that she hopefully couldn't see. "48,49,50. Ready or not here i come!" mother giggled excitedly, yet it didn't quite reach her eyes. There was something sad about them. I quickly ignored the observation and continued to squeeze into the tight ball I was in. Five minutes later she found both me, and my brother, Jonathan. Now it was my turn to count. I counted to fifty and almost immediately found Jon, seeing as he always made it fairly easy on me. I looked for mom. I checked behind the house, in the bushes, behind the trees, but couldn't seem to spot her. Thirty minutes later when she was nowhere to be found, I began to panic. Jon had stopped playing about twenty minutes ago so I had to find her by my self. At this point I gave up. "MOMMM!" I yelled. "I give up you win this one!" There was no response. Not even a rustle of leaves or footsteps from a distance. "Mom?" I said again. Still no answer. "Mom this really isn't funny please come out." I yelled to the sky. Two hours later, hoarse from screaming and eyes moist from crying I stopped and realized she was gone. I sprinted to the house, throwing open the back door and yelled for Jon. He ran outside with me and we search more, both franticly checking every possible spot. A while later we decide to check the house, maybe she thought it was funny to cheat? That's when Jon noticed it. Her clothes were gone. Every last blouse, skirt, and earring. We quickly ripped open drawers and cupboards in the room, and then I found it. I found the envelope that ruined my life, the envelope that ruined my family. I opened it slowly and read it.

_Dear Clare and Jon, if you are reading this it means I am already gone. I didn't want to leave, but it was for the best. I love you both more than you can ever imagine, but i found love that wasn't your father. I love him very much but we just weren't.. right or each other. Tell him I love him and that he too will find his true love. Im so sorry. Take care of yourselves. xx, Jocelyn _I collapsed to the floor in a sobbing heap, and cried until I could no longer cry. Jon just held the goodbye letter in his hands though, glaring at it and clenching it so tightly his knuckles whitened. We sat there like that for hours,with emotions of anger, despair, and hopelessness. That was when he got home. My father that is. I hear his work shoes thumping through the house towards his room. The room in which we are dying inside. He opens the door and at first looks startled, then confused, then.. angry? I had never seen dad this angry before. He walked up to Jon and ripped the note from his grasp, and read it. He turned his hateful gaze to us after reading. "How did this happen?" he whispers quietly and dangerously to us. "I..We.." I start. "We were all playing hide and go seek and when I tried to find her I couldn't so we looked and the house and found this and dad I miss mommy so much. He walks up to me as if to hug me, wrap me in his warm arms and tell me it is all gonna be okay. I hold out my arms and close my eyes expecting love when I feel hot pain across my cheek. I realized he had hit me. "It's all your fault.." he growls. "And now.. You're gonna pay." he breaths. Dad had never hurt me before, but I knew in that moment he would do it many times again. And all i felt was _ hopeless. _I awoke with a start in my bed from the nightmare about my past.

hey y'all thx for reading hope you enjoyed(: definitely will be updating soon! Wonder what happens right? Anyways there is chapter one and trust me there is much more to come! Will Clary be saved from her despair and given hope? Keep checking for updates to find out! Review for updates! Love you guys bye

**-Kelse**


	2. Chapter 2

**_(Clary)_**

I had been having the same night terror for five years straight. The dream was always so vivid, like it was all happening all over again every single night. That day had changed my life, well to be more exact totally destroyed it. I remember being truly happy. I haven't felt like that since the beginning of that game of hide and go seek. And I didn't suspect to ever be happy again. My dads angry yell brought me out of my painful thoughts and back into the real world. "CLARY GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY." He bellowed up the stairway into my room. I looked over to my alarm clock and froze. I had overslept which meant I didn't prepare breakfast for father or Jon. I shivered as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I can only imagine what a punishment I will receive for this. I push my sore body from the scratchy covers of my bed and hop onto the chilling floor. I shake nervously as I pad down the stairs into the kitchen where my dad and Jon sit, glaring at me. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" father screams at me angrily. "THATS RIGHT YOU'RE NOTHING, HOW COULD I FORGET?" My father yells as he storms up me and grabs me by my ponytail slamming my head into the wall. I whimper at the impact and try to curl up into a protective ball. This just angers my father more as he kicks at my ribs slams his hard shoe onto my wrist. It takes all the will power I have not to yelp in pain, but I know it will just bring more beatings. "You are worthless, pathetic, ugly, stupid, useless, and _hopeless._" father whispers tauntingly into my ear. Just as I bring my face up to look at his cold eyes his fist connects with my jaw, nose, then cheek. After he's done with his fun my father trudges into his room and slams the door, getting ready for his work. As I start to pull myself from the cold, unforgiving floor Jon approaches me smiling with a grim light in his eyes. Just the way he looks at me scares me more than anything else could. As I pull myself to my knees he pins me to the floor and whispers in my ear, "leaving so soon?" and with that grabs my head and smashes it to the floor. All I can think as I fade into the darkness is, "Why am I still alive?"

**(****_Jace PoV)_**

I keep dreaming of her. She is so beautiful and mysterious with her wavy crimson locks and emerald green eyes that I could stare at for hours. Why am I dreaming of her? I have no idea. I keep trying to pull her from my head and forget, after all I am Jace Lightwood and I can get any girl anytime. But this girl always is on my mind asleep or awake. I feel as if I'm supposed to protect her, love her, give her a reason to trust me with all her heart. I dream all these things, but is she even real? I keep asking myself that and secretly hoping she is. "Jace get down here its the first day at our new school for the angel's sake!" Izzy, my stepsister whined obviously annoyed with me. But hey, a guys gotta look good for the ladies right?

**_(Clary)_**

I awake from the horrid beating 40 minutes later. I feel extremely light headed and slowly pull myself to my feet, making sure not to move so quickly that I pass out once again. Once on my feet I wobble up the steps to my sorry excuse of a bedroom. Once in the room I quickly shut the door and lock it even though father is already at work and Jon won't bother me this late in the morning. My dad's work consists of him going to the nearest bar, spending the little money we have on enough booze to get him wasted. The little spending money we had was provided by my part time job at The Java Chip coffee shop that I worked at mondays, tuesdays, wednsdays, and thursdays from 4 o' clock till 9. On some nights my dad will go searching some slut to hook up with. The nights he hooked up were the best because he and Jon often let me be. I turned on the scalding water of my shower and stripped down. I quickly examined my wounds. I had a couple bruised ribs, a fractured and very painful wrist, a bruise on my jaw and cheek bone and a very bloody nose. The injuries weren't too bad this morning, Ive had much worse. I slip my aching body into the warm comfort of my shower and rinse my hair and body. When I get out I slip on a dark green long sleeved v-neck, gray skinny jeans, a white hoodie, and my black converse. I quickly blew my hair dry and threw it into a pony tail. I put on one too many layers of make up to hide the cuts and bruises, and applied a layer of black mascara. I then examined myself and grimaced at what was in the mirror. I was hideous. My hair was too frizzy, my skin too pale, my face was filled with freckles, and I had the body of a twelve year old girl while I was fifteen. The one thing I used to actually like about myself was long gone, it left with her: my breathtaking green eyes had soon dulled and lost their light after she left us. I look exactly like mom, guess that's why they hate me so much. We both have the same fiery red hair, bright green eyes, and slender form, but she was beautiful. Something I'll never be. As i was slathering on some light pink chapstick my phone rang. My freckled face immediately smiled widely at the caller ID. Simon. I quickly answer and hear him cheer excitedly to look outside my window. I walked over very confused. Then I grin bigger than I have in years. Simon, my quirky best friend, is the only person who can make me smile anymore. The only person that cares for me. Simon has a car. Maybe I won't have to walk to school injured anymore. That thought alone makes the horrid day of school to come seem a lot better.

Well there's chapter two! Hope you enjoyed it! please tell me things I should improve on and update for reviews! -Kelse


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey its Kelse! Sadly I'm not getting many reviews. Maybe I'll delete? I don't know yet. But please enjoy. **

**All TMI characters belong to Cassandra Clare**

_(Clary PoV)_

I can't help the grin on my face as I walk out of the house to Simon's new car. It definitely wasn't a pretty thing, but that didn't faze my mood. I wasn't used to pretty, all that mattered was it meant no more walking. I now had the protection of a vehicle and Simon from the bullies who love to hurt me on the walk to school. I throw my backpack in the backseat and slip in the front next to him, still grinning like a maniac. "What are you smiling 'bout Fray?" chuckled Simon. "Nothing, just you." I say and poke him in the shoulder. Suddenly his face turns a light red.. is he blushing? I question myself. No. Not that. He is angry with me. I freeze and try not to move or make noise. I don't want him to hurt me, I hope he doesn't hurt me, I'm already harmed beyond repair. "Clare?" He asks kindly. "What's wrong?" "N-nothing" I whisper. He looks at me sympathetically and attempts to turn my face to his. I don't want to be hit so I throw myself to the side of the car, avoiding his touch. I suddenly regret this and wince in pain, remembering the bruised ribs. Simon looks hurt. Like I had slapped him. "Clary why are you scared of me?" he whispers confused and upset by my actions. I don't know why I just don't want him to hurt me. Before I can stop myself I whimper, "p-please just don't hur-rt me please Im sorry." His eyes soften with sadness and he says, "Clare I'd never hurt you, never have never will, please believe me." "I do of course I do!" I say a little to loud, how could I have been so stupid? Simon wouldn't ever hurt me! I turn towards the window and feel ashamed. "Clare?" Simon breathes. "Yes?" I ask. "Its alright you know." With that he pulls me into a hug, he is warm and comforting and I never want to pull away. He checks his watch and curses under his breath. "SCREW IT WE'RE GONNA BE SO LATE! AND ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? He he says loudly. I can only giggle at the sudden mood change. I don't care if we're late. I'd rather we never arrive at all.

_(Simon)_

She thought I was going to hurt her. I can't help but feel like it's a punch to the gut even though she didn't mean it. I can't imagine living her life, always scared, never happy, constantly being beaten to a pulp physically and mentally. She deserves so much better. "Clare?" I whisper. "Yes" she questions, obviously ashamed of her actions. She thinks I'm upset with her. "It's alright you know." I say and pull her into a big hug. She is so small and fragile I can't help but feel that if I hold her to tight she'll disappear completely. I'm in love with the way she feels in my arms, warm and loving. I'm in love with her voice, her bravery, I Simon Lewis am in love with her and it takes all I have not to kiss her. I don't though, I'm afraid it would overwhelm her. So I hold in my feelings like I have for years and keep hugging her. I have to be her rock, because I feel if I move she'll fall to the depths and never pull herself back up. So that's me Simon, her steady best friend, the friend who want to be so more, but doesn't tell her because he has to protect her, because he loves her.

_(Jace)_

They are getting so annoying. I mean I love getting with girls, but having groups follow where ever you go and laugh even when you aren't funny isn't what I had envisioned as a good school day. I want to bang my head against my locker, but I settle with another gorgeous smile at the leader of the whores, Kaelie. She's one of the girls you sleep with when you want but aren't actually in a relationship. And right now that's exactly what I needed. I walk over to her and her slutty followers, Aline, Seelie, and Camille. "Hey Kaelie." I say with a wink and smirk at them. "Jacee" She hisses trying to be seductive, it isn't really working. "I was wondering if you'd like to 'hang out' tonight?" I say with a smirk. "Pick me up and nine, we'll go to your place." She whispers in my ear. "Can't wait." I say eying her up and down. Tonight would be a good time. She and her girls giggle and strut away. Then I see her. She is even prettier in real life. She's real. All of these thoughts flood my head as the small redhead from my dreams enters the school. I notice I'm staring and quickly glance away. Cant afford to ruin my ego on the first day. Then he comes in and throws his arm over her shoulder. Who the hell is he? My hands tighten in fists and I feel so.. jealous. What? No. Jace Lightwood is never jealous, he makes people jealous not the other way around. As the she and boy hug and head separate ways I decide to approach her. "Hey there Red." I say with my famous wink. "Do I know you?" she asks bored. Bored? Of me? Hell no. "So red-" she cuts me off immediately with an irritated look crossing over her face. "My name isn't red asshat." she murmurs. "Asshat?" I chuckle, what is that? She glares at me and starts to walk off. Shoot I have to keep talking to her. I grab her wrist to pull her back to me when she yells out in pain. Her eyes start to tear up and she sprints away cradling her wrist. What the hell?

_(Clary)_

I can't believe I cried in front of the guy. I'm so weak and useless. Tears are pouring down my face as I lock the door in the girls bathroom. I am nothing. I'm so ugly. I am a freak. I cried until the bell rang then dashed out and checked my makeup. Mascara was _everywhere. _I am getting out my makeup bag when a girl with long raven black hair, porcelain skin, and coffee brown eyes enters the bathroom. She was gorgeous. I suddenly feel very insecure and turn away. "What's wrong?" she questions sympathetically. "Nothing!" I answer to quickly so she just gives me a 'I know somethings up there is mascara on your chin for the angel's sake' look. "Spill." she says gripping my shoulders and looking into my eyes. I suddenly feel I can trust this girl. No. She must be like Kaelie. She'll hurt me too. She apparently notices I am not planning on saying a word so she starts to wipe off the mascara. Then I remember: my chin! It's too late she sees it. "What happened?" she says seriously. "Who did this to you?" My heart starts to beat fast. She can't know about my abuse, they would kill me, I have to lie. "I fell down the stairs." I mumble. If she didn't believe me she sure didn't show it. She finished cleaning me up and reapplied and fixed my makeup. I looked... good. My tone was even, and the bruises looked as if they didn't exist. "Thanks, I really appreciate it." I whisper almost inaudible. "Of course that's what friends are for right?" She says cheerfully. I give her a quizzical look so she says, "Im Isabelle by the way but you can call me Iz. You are sitting with me at lunch today because I'm new and I sure as hell don't wanna be in the slut squad. I can't help but giggle at that. "I'm Clary. And I'm probably not the girl you wanna be seen with." I say looking her in the eye. "I don't care. I like you, so we are sitting by each other, kay?" She says and gives me a quick hug and waves bye. I have a feeling Iz and I will be good friends. With that I walk off and into my first period, art. Of course class has already started when I walk in. "Hi Mrs. Garroway sorry I'm late." I say knowing that she wouldn't care considering I'm top of her class and never late. "It's fine Clary. Please take a seat next to Mr. Lightwood." she retaliates kindly. She points over to the boy with a head full of golden curls, deep gold eyes, perfectly tanned skin, and his famous smirk. He was gorgeous. He was the boy I cried in front of. He was just another player. I can't help the annoyed groan that passes through my throat as I slouch into the seat next to him. "Is the a problem Ms. Fray?" questions the teacher obviously annoyed with my attitude today. "No sorry." I say quickly. Five minutes into class and the angel still hasn't acknowledged me. Thank Raziel. Suddenly he turns and puts out a hand for me to shake and I put on a fake smile and sarcastic attitude. "Im Jace." he says proudly his golden orbs glinting mischievously. "THE JACE LIGHTWOOD?" I fake gasp and hold my heart. "Oh so you know me already?" He questions with a wink. Ugh what an airhead. "Nope." I say popping the p and rolling my eyes. "Well it seems your personality is as fiery as this hair of yours." he smirks. I put on my most innocent smile and sa, "Guys like you don't usually talk to girls like me.." I fake giggle. "Well what kinda guy am I?" He says obviously expecting praise. Man, was he wrong. "Hmm.. You seem like.." I pretend to think while tapping my finger to my lips. "A douchebag." I say flatly and turn around. His golden eyes widen in shock and hurt. I can't help the smirk that creeps onto my face. I hate him.

_(Jace)_

I love her.

**THANKS 4 READING(; hope y'all liked it! I really like Simon in this he's just to sweet!**

**Will clary fall for jace, and jace be less of a whore? hahah**

**So much to write so little time**

**I still don't have any idea how ****I'm gonna end this. **

**It'll probably have around twenty chapters. maybe more? **

**Magnus: Throw some glitter make it rain**

**Jace: Maggie you're so gay**

**Magnus: MAKE SURE JACE DOESNT GET CLARY**

**Jace: WAIT! no i was kidding please**

**Clary: Ugh**

**me: REVIEW**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi it's Kelse you guys. So three chapters in and almost done writing the fourth and two reviews. I am seriously considering deleting this story and trying something else. I know it sounds stupid but if you see my story and like it please review it really gives me the need to keep updating because I don't wanna just be writing a story nobody likes. Anyways tell me if you hate this idea and if you do why, and give me other things I could do to make it better or change it entirely. Should I post the new chapter or start over? Please tell me! Love you guys**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey I decided to right the next chapter and post it. Not sure if I should keep going? Anyways read and enjoy! -Kelse**

_(Clary)_

The rest of art class consisted of Jace staring at me, me glaring at him and so on. Why would he stare at me? I'm not pretty. The bell signaling the end of class rings wakening me from my thoughts. I scoop up all of my supplies as fast as I can hoping I can make it out before Jace says anything to me. No such luck. "So Red.." he says while rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Why is he nervous? "What." I grumble, very irritated with him. "I was wondering if you're.. uh... free Saturday night so we could you know." My face immediately reddens with embarrassment and anger. "Im not a slut if you haven't noticed so no I won't be whoring around with you Saturday night. What's wrong with you? You don't just ask someone that! What did you think I was gonna do whatever you want me to just because you can charm 'sluts' and you're attractive? You know it's personality that counts but in that category you obviously have nothing to offer. Jace looked horrified at my outburst, so I can't help but feel proud of myself. There were enough people at this school throwing me around and I didn't need him to think he can get away with it. His face starts to redden and he is looking at me with anger. For some reason I know he won't hurt me, even though I'm scared. "You know what Clary I was asking you on a date not to be friends with benefits but whatever. Im not just a player you know, I have a soul too." All the sudden a loud screech make me cover my ears. "JACEYY" kaelie squeals waddling over in her six inch heels and mini skirt. I snort and start to walk away. "Yep. Not a player at all. You totally don't wanna whore around Jace I'm so sorry I so misjudged you. Wow. I'm such an awful person!" I say sarcastically. I was done with this bull. "You can't talk to Jace that way you freak." retaliates Kaelie with a glare on her face. Oh I just did, I think but I would never say it. Kaelie already bullies me enough as it is. "Whatt?" questions Kaelie with the fakest innocent look. "Wow you look even uglier today than Jace told me earlier.." Kaelie sneers. "You know my mom's a plastic surgeon so I could get you an appointment, but really even she couldn't fix you." she giggles at what she thinks was funny. Jace looks horrified and very confused. I don't want to say it but I do. "Oh so that's where you got those.." I say motioning to her boobs in her very revealing crop top. I just can't help myself, I make it worse. "They're still so small, but I guess even you're mom couldn't fix them." I chuckle. She turns red as a tomato and threatens, "You're gonna pay for that. Everyone thinks you're a freak now. Imagine what they'll think when I tell them your secret." she replies. She knows. How does she know about my dad and brother? I haven't told anyone but Simon! If she tells the school my dad and Jon will know and they'll kill me. Everything starts to go blurry. "Look the she is a freak I told you Jace, just look at her." Kaelie laughs. I start to speed walk out of the room, hoping they can't see my fear. "Clary wait I-" Jace begins. "Piss off Jace." I mutter and sprint off towards the bleachers where Simon always is during free period.

_(Jace)_

_"_Kaelie tonights off." I whisper. "What why?

Because of the freak?" she screeches at me. I look up and give her a look that says 'shut up or else' and walk away. "JACE LIGHTWOOD YOU CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY FROM ME!" And in that moment I think, oh I just did, but I don't have time because all I know is I have to find Clary. I have to show her I know what it's like, what it's like to be hurt.

_(Simon)_

I see her headed towards me out of the corner of my eye, she's seething. Her fiery red curls have half fallen from her ponytail and tumble over her bright red face. Her green eyes are shining with unshed tears and anger, and her fragile hands at her sides are clenched into fists so tightly her knuckles are a snowy white. She skips up the steps of the bleachers and plops down next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and the tears begin to fall, at this I hold her closer. I put my hand under her chin and lift her face to mine, "what's wrong Fray?" I murmur soothingly. She immediately starts to sob and I can see the fear in those big green eyes of hers, so I hold her close to my chest as if attempting to keep her safe from the outside world, even though with her that's impossible. After a couple minutes her sobs slowly come to an end. She lifts her head from my chest and sniffles, a few stray tears escape down her cheek, so I lift my thumb to her face and gently rub them off. "Hey Clare it's all gonna be okay.." I say soothingly. "No it isn't." she mumbles hoarsely, "nothing is ever gonna be okay." My eyes soften at that and I pull her into a hug once again. "You know you don't have to tell me Fray, but it might make you feel better." I whisper calmly. She pull away and looks me straight in the eyes, gripping my hand tightly as she whispers two words that show me nothing is gonna be okay, she's right. "Kaelie knows."

_(Clary)_

Simon holds me for the rest of free period after I tell him what happened. Each time I shiver he holds me closer to his body, as if to keep me warm, but little does he know the shivers weren't given to me from the cold, but from the terror building up inside me. When the bell rings signaling lunch we get up, me still gripping his hand like I was holding onto life itself, which in a way I was. Without him I would be dead my now, and not from fathers hand, or Jons, or even Kaelie and her sluts, but from my own. As we walk into the cafeteria I an already feel Kaelie's vicious gaze on me, she looks even angrier than earlier. What happened? Simon and I get in line and I grab a fruit cup, peanut butter and jelly, chips, and a rootbeer. After we've got our food we plop down at an empty table. Five minutes later Izzy comes and sits across from me and Simon. I grin as I remember she said we would sit together. "Hey Clary" she says cheerily as she bites into an apple. "Hey" I say smiling in response. I can't help but notice Simon staring at her like she was the only girl he'd ever seen, and I laugh. "What?" questions Izzy. "Nothing.." I say and smirk at Simon who's cheeks flush light pink. Suddenly I hear someone sit next to me and spin around and see _him._ I glare at him for a moment, but I'm almost positive he can see the hurt in my eyes. I quickly spin around and continue my conversation with Simon. I feel a tap on my shoulder, and knowing it's him ignore it. He continues to tap my shoulder and I can't help but think this boy just doesn't give up. I turn around to face him, "Have something you wanna confess to Golden Boy?" I ask sarcastically attempting to raise and eyebrow, but failing miserably. "Clary please just let me explain I never-" I cut him off there. "You never what? Made fun of me because you did that. Oh wait are you referring to when you didn't stand up for me because I definitely remember that." I sneer harshly. "Clary I swear I-" This time he isn't interrupted by me, but an approaching Kaelie. She walks up behind us with a soda in hand and says loud enough for everyone to hear, "Hey you seem kinda thirsty ginger, thought I'd give you a drink. Maybe you'll even grow a little, lets sure hope so for you sake!" With that she dumps the entire soda over top my head. How clever, I think, ginger ale and a short joke. I show no emotion or anger hoping she'll just walk away. But of course he just has to ruin it. "THE HELL WAS THAT?" Jace yells. He is livid, his face a bright red and his perfect golden eyes show hatred and disgust for her. "It was me giving the freak a free drink. I am such a good person. I mean it's obvious she can't afford her own right? I mean look at her." The entire cafeteria breaks out in laughter and I can feel my face heat up in embarrassment and anger. "I think you should leave." says Jace with a look and tone that mean business. "It's okay freak we can have some fun again later." she says sweetly while waving goodbye to me. I look over at Simon and his features are contorted with rage, not for Kaelie but for Jace. Izzy just looks pissed as heck. "You have no right to stand up for her!" yells Simon. "I have every right considering you weren't going to!" Jace says angrily while standing up. "I WAS!" Simon shouts. "Why does it matter I stood up for her that's a good thing." Jace retaliates. I am reminded to much of home, the yelling, the hate, the pain.. I curl into myself and start to panic. The last thing I hear before I black out was spoken by Simon. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER ALRIGHT?" and with that only darkness.

**Love or hate? -Kelse(:**

**Ideas for next chapter?**


	6. Always

**Hey it's Kelse! Sorry I didn't update earlier, I was really busy! Anyways enjoy and tell me what you think(:**

_(Clary)_

"Clary please wake up.." I hear a husky voice whisper. Just the sound of the voice makes me feel safe and sends electricity coursing through my body. I would wake up if I could, I'm just so tired. "Clary please," the voice begs, and fingers start to play with my fiery red curls, sending comforting shivers down my spine. Suddenly it hits me. Who the hell is this and where am I? I groggily open my eyes attempting to blink away the cloudiness in my vision. Once I can see fairly straight I notice my pounding headache. It feels as if Jon has been at me again. Jon. I quickly flinch from the unknown hand, hoping it won't hurt me. I lift my terror filled eyes to see him. The boy that is a demon in disguise as an angel. The boy made fun of me and thinks I'm a whore. "Clary! You're up!" He murmurs with a smile that looks genuine, he looks better when he isn't smirking. "What are you doing here?" I question confused and still angry with him and his asshole qualities. "Looking after you. I was worried." He mumbles as his cheeks flush a light pink. He gently moves his hand towards my face, as if to tuck my hair behind my ear. Like that's gonna happen. I grab his wrist and move it away from myself slowly, asking him why with my eyes. I look into his to see.. hurt and.. love? No. That can't be it. "What happened and why am I in the hospital?" I ask slowly as if to make sure he understands the question. I realize that I was so caught up in him, I didn't even think about where I was and why. "Well.." He says rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Well spit it out!" I urge him on. "Well, you see after everything with Kaelie at lunch, there was um.. a fight and you kinda passed out." He said the last part very quickly, but I understood. "How long have I been out?" I ask suddenly nervous. Everyone saw me pass out. I can't let them know I'm weak. "Only two hours." He says mattero'factly, "and we called your family and-" "YOU WHAT!" I scream. They couldn't know. They are going to beat me until I can know longer be beaten, until I am so hurt I can no longer feel pain. They've done it before. "Clary are you okay? You look kind of pale.." Jace lets on with a worried tone. "It's n-nothing." I stutter out, barely audible. If only he knew what they had just done.

_(Jace)_

It seems as if all my prayers answered when Clary opened those big green eyes of hers. I couldn't stay much longer and I _had _to ask her something before I left to go start my new job at some coffee shop. I start to play with her beautiful red waves absent mindedly when I feel her flinch away from me. Why was she scared of me did I hurt her? The fear in her eyes disappears and becomes anger, as if she is just now realizing it's me. Who is she so terrified of? I quickly wash away all of my thoughts and refocus on her. "Clary! You're up!" I say cheerily, hoping it will lighten her up. It doesn't. "What are you doing here?" she asks bitterly. "Looking after you. I was worried." I reply nonchalant, as if her comment didn't feel like daggers to the heart. She is so beautiful, I wish I could hold her kiss her. At the thought I can feel my cheeks warm, but I don't care, I want her to know how I feel, and I'm willing to do anything to get her to reciprocate the feelings. I gently reach out to tuck a loose strand of auburn hair behind her ear when she grabs my wrist and places it back at my side. I can't help but feel hurt by this, I have to prove to her there is so much more to me than she thinks. "What happened why am I in the hospital?" She asks suddenly anxious. "Well.." I mutter trying to think of a way to put it. "Well spit it out." she snaps at me. "Well, you see after everything with Kaelie at lunch, there was um.." how do I say what happened? "A fight and you kinda passed out." I say in one breath. I hope she understood because I don't want to go into details. I'm scared that if she knows that Simon has feelings for her, I'll lose the small chance I have. "How long have I been out?" she whispers the color draining from her cheeks. Why is she scared? Oh! She must be worried her family wasn't alerted, which they were. "Only two hours" I reply, "and we called you're family and-" I begin only to be interrupted by Clary. "YOU WHAT?" She shouts, fear and panic entering her eyes, her body begins to shake, and face pale further, making her freckles stand out more. What is happening, did I say something to scare her? She doesn't look scared, she look truly terrified. "Clary.." I mutter quietly, "are you okay? You look kinda pale." I didn't want her to know I saw the panic in her eyes, it only makes a bad situation more dire, I of all people should know. "It's n-nothing" she mumbles slightly inaudible. I knew at this moment nothing was okay. I had to get her to talk to me, I just had to be there for her. I stood up from my seat and laid down next to her, pulling her into my chest. Surprisingly, she didn't shove me off like I had expected. She looked at me for a second, then stared into my eyes. She must have seen something there she decided to trust because what she did next surprised me more than anything else. She cuddled of against me, accepting my embrace, and closed her eyes. The feel of her in my arms was better than I ever could've imagined, we fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces, comforting each other when the other needed it. "Clary," I whisper. I new I would regret this but I had to at least ask. "Yes Jace?" she murmurs, eyes still shut. "Could I take you on a date tonight?" I ask nervously. She doesn't respond, but a smile starts to spread across her face. "I would like that." she says quietly. I can't suppress the large grin that spreads across my face. "Great i'll pick you up at eight." "Where are we going?" she asks. "Its a surprise." I say with a smile. "Well how do I know what to where then." She mutters sarcastically. "Anything.," I whisper, "you look beautiful in anything." Her cheeks light up a deep magenta. She is so gorgeous when she blushes. "Thank you.." she mutters, closing her eyes once more. "Don't thank me," I whisper, stroking her hair "It's just the truth." "No not for the compliment." She says seriously, like she doesn't even believe she's pretty, no matter how many times I say it. "For what then?" I ask very confused."For staying with me." She breathes. I decide I can skip my job, it doesn't matter, only she does. "Always" I whisper in her ear as we both drift to sleep.**  
**

**Okay so I know what is coming and how I'm going to end it, and it only gets better from here! Decided it was time for a little romance, no worries action is coming, hard core. Please don't hate me for next chapter! Ill try to update soon! The more reviews the quicker the update. Love and clary so much in this chapter.**

**Anyways love you all and thanks for the support(:**

**Love it or hate it? please tell.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took so long to update, I've been busy! Hope ya'll enjoy and review what you think! -Kelse**

_(Clary)_

I wake up for the second time today, this time not confused or scared, but warm and happy. I feel his warm body wrapped around mine, his hands around my waist pulling me towards him. For once in a long time I felt so.. so _safe._ Usually my nights were filled with terror from which I can not be calmed, my nightmarish visions aren't dreamlike, but simply memories. I slept here with Jace, and I still had these nightmares, and that is expected from a girl who has been abused over half her life, but this time when I woke up, I would immediately calm down after seeing he was with me. I would love to say that I had a dreamless sleep, but that wouldn't be the truth. When you've been through half of what I have, that becomes impossible. Something about him is just so calming though, yet with one look or smile he can put so many butterflies in my stomach I about throw them up. I know that he is a vain, egotistic, jackass, but I feel as if there is something more to him sometimes. I sometimes wonder if he is hiding a secret from me as I am with him. I quickly dismiss the thought, if he knew what a worthless freak I really was he wouldn't be here now, holding me as he is. Suddenly the boy stirs in his sleep, and opens his eyes slowly, trying to ease himself into the real world. He looks down at me and smiles, bigger than normal. "Well we better be getting to that date," he murmurs, golden eyes staring into green ones. "Yah we better.." I whisper, so mesmerized by the whole of him. "Let's get going then!" he says hopping out of the bed and grabbing his car keys on the bedside table. "Wait Jace you do understand that I am still wearing Kaelie's ginger ale?" I question. "You still look beautiful," he says shrugging, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Jace it's not as much the looks, but more the fact that my clothes are sticky as hell. And I personally don't find it very comfortable, so if you don't mind.." I say sarcastically while reaching out to grab the keys. Our hands touch, although I think he did it purposely, I still feel a buzz of electricity course through my body. I wonder if he felt it too? "So difficult." He murmurs, humor dancing in his eyes. "Says you who won't even tell me where were going!" I giggle and playfully slap his shoulder. "Off to your place then?" he questions, "Yep." I reply, popping the p, praying nobody will be home.

_(Jace)_

Clary Fray will be the end of me. I reluctantly hand over my keys and we head out to my truck. As we're driving to her house, her face paled noticeably. I wonder what it is she's hiding? I know she's hiding something.. something dark. I can only wonder if her secret is even close to as horrific as mine. I sure hope it isn't, for her sake. She pulls into the driveway of a small, worn-out, brick house in a not to safe neighborhood. On her way out of the car, she locks the doors behind her, as if trying to keep me safe. Safe from what? She heads inside and lightly shuts the door behind her. She seems to be scared of the house, no the family inside to. I remember her flipping out when I told her we'd called her family to let them know what happened. Suddenly I piece it all together. Me and her, we're the same. The thought of someone hurting her makes my fists tighten and sends jabs of pain and rage to my heart. I wasn't sure yet of my discovery, do I wouldn't mention it when she came out, but we were definitely talking tonight. And then I see her, and she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The wonderful thing that amazes me most is she doesn't even try, or think she's beautiful. I get up and open her door for her, let her sit then close it gently, making my way over to the drivers side. I slide in the seat and turn to just stare at her for a moment. She rolls her eyes and chides, "well let's get this show on the road we don't have all night." I smile widely, and only one word comes to my mind whenever I see her, love.

_(Clary)_

I head inside and look around to check the house for them, they aren't here. Thank you, I think, thank you whoever is up there, thank you. I then trot up the stairs two at a time. I was so nervous, excited, and full of energy. It's a weird combination of emotion. I like it. I walk into my closet and throw on my favorite pair of washed out blue skinny jeans, my dark green converse, and a black sleeveless skater top with a tan colored sweater, in case we were outside. I walk up to the mirror and straighten my untamable curls. I apply some makeup, adding some brown eyeliner and extra mascara for the occasion, and put on a floral headband with baby pink colored flowers. I don't look great, but I walk out out to the car anyway. He just won't stop staring at me. He hops out of the vehicle and opens the door for me. Wow, that's surprising, guess douchebag mode has an on/off button. When he gets in the car he is just sits there for a second, _still _staring. "Well let's get this show on the road, we don't have all night." I comment, at this he smiles widely and puts the keys in the ignition.

We have been driving for _forever._ Where the heck was he taking me? A couple minutes later we turn onto a dirt road and keep driving. At one point, I sigh, exasperated. "What? Almost there!" he says, a goofy half grin on his face that I have never seen before. I quickly decided I liked it and wanted to see it more often. Around five minutes later we pull up to a worn out looking cafe with a half lit sign hanging above it. It was called 'Takis', strange name. "We drove for an hour for this old thing?" I question pretending to be irritated, though I totally wasn't. "This 'old thing'," he says mocking me, "happens to be the best restaurant for miles." "But look at it.." I whisper, faking repulsion as I analyze the building. "Never judge a book by its cover, Clarissa, if you read the pages you might be quite surprised." Jace countered. I feel as if more was implied to what he said than just the restaurant, but didn't know what. I had no comeback to that so I just shrugged. "Wow it seems I have put The Clary Fray at a loss for words with my intellectual depth." he beamed with a smirk. "Well you should cherish it," I smirk, "It's quite rare for me to be at a loss for words, and also quite rare for Jace Lightwood to have intellectual depth." He chuckles. "It seems that The Jace Lightwood is at a loss for words?" I brag smugly. He just scoffs and shrugs. I can't help but laugh. With that he grabs my hand and leads me through the door of the restaurant. I have no idea what to expect.

_(Jace)_

Twenty minutes after ordering they finally bring out our food. I had gotten grilled chicken, roast vegetables, and a sweet potato. Clary had decided to order a garden vegetable quesadilla, mashed potatoes, and fried green tomato. The second that Clary took a bite of her quesadilla, her eyes widened in surprise and as she swallowed she murmured, "Oh my god." "I know right" I muse, grinning widely. With her I felt as if I didn't have to smirk or be a total ass to get a girls attention, for her I took down all my walls and was myself. For someone reason I knew, that with her, being myself was enough. "This food is like.." She starts, "Like God himself prepared it for us and sent it down from heaven to earth to blow our minds." I interrupt. "Took the words from my mouth." She slurs over food. "The only thing in your mouth is mashed potatoes." I correct. She then sticks her tongue out and me and continues to eat. Damn she can eat for being so tiny. After we finish and I pay the check we head outside. "Come here I have something to show you." I coax. She follows me past the parking lot to small hill that overlooks a river. My favorite place, the place I've never shown to anyone before, but her I was, showing a girl I barely knew, yet already had fallen madly in love with. I plop down onto the soft grass, patting my hand on the grass next to me to tell her to sit down. It is around eight thirty now, and the little light we have is provided by the mostly full moon above. She sits next to me. It's time. "Clary?" I whisper. "Yah?" She asks smiling. "I need to.. need to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth." She shrugs. I think that's gonna be our thing, the cute thing couples do that mean I love you, but know else knows it does, so its private and intimate and theirs and theirs alone. "Clary, does.." I say meekly, "does your family hurt you?" She pales noticeably and her eyes go wide. She just stares down at her green high tops as if the suddenly became the most interesting and complex thing she'd ever laid eyes upon. "Oh clary.." I pleaded quietly. Suddenly she looks up from her shoes, eyes alert. "What why would you think that?" She questions trying to act weirded out. She then goes on to laugh, but it's fake and robotic. "Fine then. If it isn't true lift up you're shirt and prove it." I command, desperate to know the truth so I can help her. "What the hell no you pervert!" She says alarmed. I face palm. "Yah Clary I ask if you're being abused and then decide I wanna hook up with you where people could watch. That makes sense." I snap. "Well it does seem like something you, being the egotistic manwhore you are would try." She says flatly, all the light has drained from her eyes, leaving no emotion. "Wow Clary, I assumed that I might have proved myself back there, I'm not like you think you've got me all wrong, remember," I say irritated, "don't judge a book by it's cover, but from the pages in it." "Oh," she sneers, "I've been reading your book Jace, and so far it has been filled with shit!" she hollers. I feel like she just punched me, I thought the she might actually like me. "You're right," I mumble deflated, "but I understand what its like. Why don't I tell you a story."

_"When I was a kid, I had a perfect life. Perfect family, friends, grades, home.. But one day my parents and I decide to go on a walk. Twenty minutes in a car mows down my dad because the driver was texting. He was killed instantly. At first mom didn't talk at all, she would just cry and stare into the distance. I was only seven. Three months later she started to clear up, she would talk to me, cook, and do other mom jobs. There was just something.. off. That's when she started whip me. She would grab one of my dad's old belts and whip me until I blacked out. This went on for a year. Eventually she kicked me out saying she couldn't handle my shit anymore. That's when I was adopted by Stephen Herondale at eleven. At first he was super nice and a great dad, but he always __seemed kinda off. One day when I get home from soccer practice he umm.. er he kinda touched me. I told him to stop so he beat me half to death. I couldn't get off the floor for two days. This went on for two weeks until somehow the authorities found out. They shipped me off to Maryse, Izzy's mom, where I am living happily at the moment."_

I could feel tears running down my cheeks. Shit. I was crying. I quickly wipe them away to see Clary staring at me sympathetically. "How about I tell you a story too.." She whispers.

_"When I was seven I was playing hide and go seek outside with my mom and brother, Jon, my dad was at his work. When I was seeking I immediately found Jon but couldn't seem to find mom. I looked for hours. I panicked and went in and told Jon. We searched inside and found the note. She had left us for a guy. She had just.. just abandoned us. When daddy came home he saw me crying. He walked up to me to give me what I expected to be __a hug, but slapped me. He yelled it was all my fault, that I made her leave us. That night he beat me so much that I woke up two days later with four broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, a fractured ankle, three broken finger, half of my hair yanked from my scalp, a broken nose, and third degree burns trailing down my left leg. He would tell me I was a useless, worthless, piece of shit whore. Eventually I started to believe it. Jon was there for me at first, tried to help, stood up for me at times, he was my rock. One day when I got back from school I said hey and he beat me. The one person I trusted threw me to the floor and beat the shit out of me. Two days later I tried to kill myself. A guy named Simon saved me. We've been best friends ever since. Daddy had no job and Jon refused to work so we were running on leftover money and the money I get from my job. This has been going on for ten years." _I couldn't breathe. I know not to say I'm sorry, abuse victims don't want your pity. I just nod and stare at her. Then I whisper the one thing that makes sense at the time. "I'm gonna save you."

**I love them! Anyways love or hate? Please tell! **

**I am so excited for the divergent movie!**

**Can't believe I have to wait until June for the Fault in Our Stars! Ughh.**

**Oh yeah and how could I forget about CoHF?!**

**Cassandra Clare better not kill anyone **

**Well she can kill Sebastian I'm good w that.**

**Love ****y'all! REVIEW! -Kelse**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey it's Kelse! Sorry it's been a whole)): wish I could update every night but I'm just so so busy.. So here is the next chapter. Prepare for a serious turn of events. Should I start adding playlists to each chapter? Anyway love or hate? No worries I will keep updating, if it hasn't been a day or two don't give up on me, I promise I will finish this story and hopefully write many more(: Anyways review what y'all think. Love you guys more than you know.**

_(Clary)_

I can't believe I just told him everything. I might've just made a huge mistake, and it just may cost me my life. I have to admit though.. Jace is a great guy, and he understands me like nobody else. I can't believe he has lived in hell before too. Had he? Or had he made it up just to get me to talk? All these questions bombard me as Jace drives me back home. The exact place I don't want to be, I wish I could just stay here with Jace forever. I know we just met, but he makes me feel so special. I've never felt special before. Whenever I'm with him it's like my walls come crumbling down, and he can see right into my soul through my eyes. After we exchanged stories and held each other in our arms for who knows how long, and it was time to go, he insisted I don't go home. But I had to go home, if I didn't I would surely be beaten worse. Even though he can see my logic, he's still pissed at me. After a silent car ride we pull into my driveway, thinking he isn't going to talk to me I unbuckle and start to open the door. "Don't you dare move.." Jace murmurs as he throws his door open and walks to my side, opening the door for me. I can't help but laugh, he just tries so hard to be perfect. I like it. "A little late there aren't we my gentleman." I say still giggling like crazy. He makes all my emotion go crazy, happiness, security, hope, definitely anger and irritation, but maybe even.. love? Did I love him, I don't know that yet. One thing I can tell though is I'm falling, not drifting, but arms-flailing-200mph-no-stopping-me-now-I'm-hitting-rock-bottom-falling. The question is was he? "Some of us can't be perfect all the time Red." He challenges with the goofy grin I have come to love oh so much. "I am far from perfect.." I whisper, thinking of my pale skin and frizzy hair. "Well, you're perfect to me." Insisted Jace. I suddenly notice his face edging towards mine slowly. He is staring down at my lips. Oh my god he is going to kiss me. My heart starts to flutter rapidly in my chest and I can feel my face heating up. I haven't ever kissed anyone before. I am going to suck at this and he won't like me anymore. Suddenly his lips caress mine gently, it feels.. whoa. His lips were so soft and pliable on mine, and just like the rest of us, they molded together perfectly. As if on instinct, I start to kiss him back. We don't kiss too passionately or long, it's caring and gentle. He doesn't want to overwhelm me. After a little longer he starts to pull away. He looks into my eyes and pulls me into a tight hug. I bury my head in his chest and sigh contently. "I never want to let you go Clary." He mumbles softly into my hair. "Then don't." I reply, holding to him tighter, as if he were the only thing keeping me sane. The thing is, he was. I pull away from the hug and look at him. He looks upset, protective, and loving. "Jace," I utter, "I have to go now." He shakes his head no determinedly. I simply sigh and stand on my toes, kissing him on the forehead. "I will be alright, I promise," I reassure. He shrugs. I giggle slightly slapping him on the shoulder. "No but seriously, I'm just so worried about you." He lets on. "I'm worried too, but that doesn't change the fact that I have to go inside that house Jace." I retaliate while pulling him into one more hug. "Clary, will you.. er.. be my girl?" He whispers nervously. I smile and shrug. "Is that a yes? No? Maybe?" He questions, playing with his fingers anxiously. "It's an of course I will you idiot." I state happily. He scoffs, "I Jace Lightwood am not an idiot, I have as you said earlier, 'rare intellectual depth.'" "Hence the word rare." I interject grinning up at him. "Goodbye Clary Fray." He murmurs, pulling my lips back to his once more, then walking back to his car. "Oh and Red?" He hollers. "Yep?" I shout back. "We have another date on Saturday so I'll pick you up at seven?" With that said he gets in the car and drives off waving bye. I wish he hadn't left. I still feel the butterflies from the kissing, and being asked out and all. I walk in to the house and shut the door, still grinning like a maniac. Next thing I know someone is grabbing my shoulder and slamming me into the wall. I cry out in surprise and pain from the impact. I would've crumpled to the floor, but hands are still pinning me to the wall. I look up to see who I used to consider my brother, but now, my abuser. "Hello Clarissa" He purrs lightly, "Have fun on your date?" I do not respond, not wanting to be hurt more. "ANSWER ME!" He screams and slaps me so hard black dots cloud my vision. "Y-yes brother, I did." I stutter, hoping he will just walk away. But to no avail. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MINE YOU PATHETIC BITCH!" He yells angrily, kneeing me into the stomach causing me to lose my breath temporarily. There is a look on his face I have never seen before. And it scares me so much that I want to cower in fear. "YOU BELONG TO ME YOU SLUT, YOU ARE MINE." He hollers in my face, kicking my right knee and causing it to give out. But he still holds me to the wall. "I don't belong to anyone." I whisper fearfully. "Oh," he smirks frightfully, an evil look in his eye, clouded with.. lust? "But you will" He lets on as his lips crash to mine. I attempt to pull away, but his grip is too tight. Next thing I know he is forcing his tongue into my mouth, and putting it in every corner and crevice. This all feels so wrong. He pulls away and starts to kiss down my neck. "Jon stop it please just stop!" I sob pitifully. "Oh but little sister, this is just too much fun." he hisses in my ear, while nibbling on it. Suddenly he bites it as hard as he can and I yelp in pain as blood drips from the wound. He slowly licks all the blood off of it. "Jon please don't do this.." I cry out. "SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP YOU BITCH." He hollers angrily. I whimper softly. Suddenly a psychotic grin spreads across his face. "Let's take this to the room shall we?" He asks me even though I have no say in the matter. Suddenly it clicks in my head: my brother is about to rape me. "NO!" I scream and yank my wrists from his grip, sprinting to the door. "You think you can get away from me you little slut?" He snarls, grabbing me and hauling me over his shoulder. He carries me to my room, kicking and screaming. "We're gonna do this in here, so whenever you go to sleep you can think of this and how it was all your fault." He smiles a razor sharp grin. He throws me onto my bed and grabs one of my scarves and binding my wrists to the bed frame. He pulls all of his clothes off, then mine. I am shivering in fear. I didn't want him to take my virginity, I was so so scared and all I wanted was Jace to hold me and keep me safe. But he wasn't there. "Jon please don't do this I'm begging you," I sob, not trying to stop the tears flowing like a river from my eyes. "Too late." He smirks. I think we all know what happens next. All I can think the entire time is.. this is all my fault.

**It's Kelse!**

**Whoa right?**

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**Love y'all xox**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey it's Kelse! Please review if you can it means so much, I like to know if people actually enjoy my story. Please tell me if there is something you dislike so I can fix it. Ideas for the plot are always helpful(:**

**LOVE YOU GUYS**

**Play list: Invisible by Disciple, Tonight You're Perfect by New Politics, Next to Me by Civil Twilight, Roger Rabbit by Sleeping w Sirens**

_(Clary)_

The sobs are uncontrollable. There is something inside of me that has been bent out of shape for years and it just shattered to pieces. I am nothing. I'm just a whore. I just allowed my own brother to rape me. It's all my fault. I think all of these things as I drag the razor across my arm, blood is everywhere, mixing with my tears. I had always heard cutting was a pain reliever, but never tried it. That is, until now. They were right, yet so wrong. For that short moment the emotional pain evaporates, but then it returns double what is was before. That's why you cut again, you keep trying to rid of the pain, even if it's only for a moment. Blood wells up and drips down to my palm, droplets falling from my fingertips onto the cold tile floor. I deserve this, I deserve to be in pain. I am a pathetic excuse for a person. I stare down at the letters I inscribed in my arm. All My Fault. I didn't just slice, I deserved worse, so I wrote my darkest thought on myself. Wrote it so I could never forget what I let happen. Tears are still streaming down my face like an endless river of pain, yet I don't feel anything anymore. I'm just hollow, and that scares me. So I keep cutting, trying to get feeling to come back. It doesn't.

_(Jace)_

I yawn as I slowly lift my head from my pillow pulling the entangled covers back over me. Then I remember Clary. The date feels to good to be real, like a dream. Wait.. Was it? I close my eyes and brush my fingertips across my lips. No. It wasn't. I remember kissing her, it was the best kiss I've ever had, it was so gentle, slow, and intimate. I knew not to take it too far with her, didn't want to scare her. I'm going to save her. I'm going to save her so she'll never have to be scared, and then I'll never let her go. Ever. I wonder what she's up to right now. I reach over my phone and am about to call her when I notice it. Shit! I never got her number. I look at the time, 5:30. I still have two hours until school, but i'm up now. "IZZY" I shout to my step sister, hoping she is awake. "Jace you asshole I was sleeping!" She screeches back. "You have Clary Fray's number?" I yell back to her grinning at the thought of the spunky red head. "Nope, why Jace?" She questions bemused. "No reason.." I murmur, turning on the scalding shower water, stripping down and hopping in, the fiery girl still on my mind.

_(Clary)_

I clean up my cuts with some alcohol, the pain is very intense. I have to bite my tongue to hold in my sobs. After cleaning the wounds I get it the hot shower water, watching it form drops and roll down my body, as my tears do on my face. I close my eyes and lean against the wall, attempting to come to my senses, or wake up, hoping this was all a bad dream or hallucination. Closing my eyes only brings more terror, every time I close them I relive that night once again, the night I will never forget. Jace deserves so much better than me, I have to leave him now so I can't hurt him. I step out of the shower and examine myself. This is the worst I've been, not only mentally, but also physically. My arms are covered in cutes, legs so bruised they look entirely grey, my face is a light shade of green covered in bruises and cuts, I have deep gashes on my back, two broken ribs making breathing difficult, three fractured fingers, an earring ripped from my ear leaving a blood clot, and worst of all I still have dried blood on my thighs. I lightly brush my fingers across my right thigh and start to tear up at the pain I remember. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. The thing is, nothing even hurts anymore. I don't feel anything at all. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I'm okay" I whisper, "I'm not scared.." "It's all gonna be alright." I think about this for a moment. No it isn't. I take another deep breath, and open my eyes filled with unshed tears and despair. I slip on some dark wash boyfriend jeans, so they don't bother the bruises, a slim fitting baby pink long sleeve shirt with a sheer material, my dark green converse, and I quickly fishtail my red tangles not bothering to brush them. Next the makeup, this was going to be hard. I sigh, thinking of how much I'd have to wear. I throw on enough base to hide my bruises, some concealer on the cuts, some light brown mascara, and clear chapstick. I put on my cross necklace my mother gave me when I was three, and hold it tightly in my hand, praying quietly, hoping someone was listening to me. I grab my satchel and trudge down the stairs. I text Simon and he says he's about to pull in. I see his hideous car round the corner and stop in front of my house. I hobble up to it and hop in the passenger seat. I close my eyes and remember Jace always opening the doors for me. Staying away from him was going to be hard, it might just kill me. "Hey Clare." Simon says kindly. I just nod at him, then turn back to the window to stare back ouside at everything, yet nothing at all. "Clare you alright?" Simon questions suddenly anxious. "Fine." I reply flatly. We pull up and I hop out, speed walking to the girls bathroom. It was so hard to push these people away. But I had to. I open a stall and all hell breaks loose. I am sobbing so hard I am having trouble breathing, I wish I would stop breathing all together. After about twenty minutes it stops as abruptly as it started. I walk out and wipe off my face, glancing at the mirror. Sadly, there was no Izzy this time, when I needed her most. I reapply the makeup messily and quickly as possible. I pack up and walk to class, not caring if my eyes were still bloodshot. I just don't care anymore. I walk into art to see class hasn't started yet. Thank the Angel. I take my seat and get out my sketch pad. Luckily Jace isn't here yet. I start to draw. I am not thinking about what I'm drawing, my hand is moving of its own accord. Ten minutes later I'm done and I actually take a second to see what I drew. I sigh at what I see. It's a picture of a girl, broken, with a fake, makeshift smile on her face, surrounded by people, but they don't see the pain in her eyes. But it's there. And that pain is slowly consuming her entire self. It's me. I jump back into my chair when I feel a breath on my neck. I whimper and close my eyes, body quavering, no not again, please Jon don't touch me. "Hey Clary" Jace's voice brings me back into reality. He has a very concerned look on his face. "We are talking after class.." He mutters, nodding at the picture. Shit! I quickly flip it over so it is no longer in sight. Sadly, it's too late. Class flies by. When the bell rings I throw my stuff into my bag, hoping to escape so I don't have to talk to Jace. I throw the satchel over my shoulder, when someone grabs my hand. Jace. "Cmon" He whispers, leading me out and into a deserted hallway. He brushes the back of his hand against my face. There is a pain in his eyes. "Oh clary.." he mutters. "What happened, Red, you can tell me." I simply shake my head no. I try to stop the tears, but they are in control now. I start to shake as I cry and Jace pulls my lifeless body int his warm one. He holds me there for what feels like eternity. "Don't leave me." I breathe. "Never" He murmurs, kissing my forehead. I nod. I believe him.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Hey y'all its kelse. Sorry I changed my screen name haha. Anyways please review it means so much to me a writer and I love getting ideas from y'all they definitely help me form the plot. Please don't go to hard on me if you hate the chapter, today really sucked. Anyways love you all xox.**

**PL: "Dying to Be Born"-Civil Twilight, "Wings"-Birdy, "How"-The Neighbourhood, "One More Time with Feeling"-Regina Spektor, "Do I wanna know"-Arctic Monkeys**

_(Clary)_

He was the light in all of my darkness. He was the only one who understood me. He was the fire in my soul that kept me on my feet. He was the one who comforted me two weeks ago after it happened. We haven't had a conversation since. The fire burnt out and now there only is an overwhelming emptiness. It is consuming me slowly, engulfing me in my dark thoughts. I have to escape them, escape myself, no matter the cost. I already know what I'm going to do. I'm not proud of it but I just can't take it anymore. I'm already dead, just barely breathing. Soon there will be no breath at all. That's why I have pulled away from him. I can't let him get close to me then die, it would kill him. So I have ignored him, his non-stop attempts of conversation stopped three days ago. He has given up. So have I. I know that I'm weak, I have the scars to prove it. Soon they won't matter anymore though. Nothing will. I used to be holding on to the string of sanity, that string snapped, and now I'm falling into the depths grasping my hands in the air, trying to find something to grip onto. Simon still hasn't given up on me, he calls every ten minutes, calls that I ignore. I can't hurt them. I'm a ghost of my former self, thanks to what I allowed to happen to me. I am so pathetic. I have to end it soon. I have to end it tonight. I'm just so tired. All I have to get through is one more beating, one more day of school, then I can finally leave this place and fade away. I slip my feet out of the thin covers, and onto the unpleasantly cold floor. I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen, Jon and father won't be up for another twenty minutes at least. I get out the frying pan, some eggs and bacon, bread, bowls, and orange juice. I turn on the stove and fry the eggs and bacon, putting them on separate plates, make two bowls of cereal with the milk on the side, two pieces of buttered toast for each of them, and orange juice without ice. I sit on the couch and wait. I'm not allowed to eat at home, that's why I'm so skinny. I get the cafeteria lunch and sometimes a small dinner at the coffee shop on certain nights. Five minutes later Jon trots down the stairs and father walks in from his bedroom door to the left of the kitchen. "What is this, Clarissa?" father sneers angrily, holding up a piece of bacon. "Its bacon, sir." I reply quietly, unsure of myself. "YOU CALL THIS FOOD?" He hollers, grabbing the plate and throwing it towards my head. I dodge it just in time and it shatters on the wall behind me. Here we go again, I think. Thing is I don't even care anymore. They can't hurt me worse than what I've been through. I've been through the maximum a person can take. Jon starts to approach me, hand in a fist. He aims for my face and I block him with my forearm. I sudden look of surprise crosses over her face, quickly replaced with a sneer. That was the first time I've ever defended myself. "You, slut!" He growls. He grabs my wrist and twists it, and it snaps in half. Pain fills my body. It feels good to feel something. Even pain. I elbow him in the neck, throwing him off long enough to escape out the door with my satchel. I sprint to school.

_(Jace)_

Why is she pushing me away? I have no idea what I did wrong! Ever since the day she sobbed in my arms she hasn't spoken a word to me. There is this emptiness in her eyes that scares me. There is no longer pain or fear in them, even when she comes to school in such bad shape that she should be in the hospital. She just sits there looking blank and emotionless. What did they do to her? Just the thought of them hurting her makes me want to kill them. But I can't. I have kept trying to talk to her at school but she doesn't even blink. I shook her once and she just closed her eyes and stayed still. This went on for a week and four days. I decided I would give her space for a few days, in case she needed some. But that sure didn't mean I was giving up, I would never give up on her. I walk into art and sit in my seat, waiting for Clary's arrival. She walks in 15 minutes later. There is emotion on her face. Relief and acceptance. Maybe she will talk today? She sits down next to me, searching for her sketch pad. It isn't in her bag, so she must have left it in her room. "Hey Red what's up?" I ask cheerfully, getting my hopes up. She acts as if she didn't hear me and keeps staring off in the distance. "You know I'm not giving up right?" I whisper quietly, pain woven in my tight voice. She just sits there. No emotion. I turn around white pain spreading through my entire being. So, this is what heart break feels like. After art she scoops up her supplies and leaves, not even trying to be quick. She walks out, back slumped, hair in her face. We walk out the door and I see Kaelie and her squad surround Clary. "Look at it everyone, its so ugly." Kaelie giggles. The hall laughs slightly, but I can tell they're all sick of Kaelie picking on Clary. "What? Are you referring to the three imps that follow you everywhere?" Clary whispers, barely audible. "I would say you too.. but you're just a whole different kind of ugly, guess thats why you pick on me. I'm done Kaelie. My name is Clary not freak by the way." She says a little stronger this time. She then walks away, leaving Kaelie and the hall gawking and staring. I grin at this and wave at Kaelie, give her a sarcastic thumbs up, and then walk away. Hearing Clary's voice again was nice. Raziel, I miss her.

_(Clary)_

Not talking to Jace is really difficult, I just miss him so much. He is so persistent that I sometimes almost break. I can't do that, it's not an option. I just have to suffer a little more, it's almost time. Standing up to Kaelie felt so good, there was no point in cowering in fear anymore. There no longer is fear, just oblivion. The bell signaling time for lunch wakes me from my train of thought. I walk to my satchel, pull out the rest of my cash, which was fifteen dollars. Might as well spend it, I sure didn't want Jon to get even a penny. I grab my earphones out of the side pocket and start for the cafeteria. When I walk in everyone turns and stares. Me standing up for myself must have been a big surprise. I try to ignore it to the best of my ability. I get in line and grab a turkey sandwich, three double chocolate cookies, a pint of ice-cream, and a grape soda. It was my last day, might as well eat something good. I walk to an empty table and plop down, putting my earphones in and listening to "I wanna be yours" by Arctic Monkeys. I take a big bite from one of the cookies, closing my eyes and savoring the rich taste. My eyes fly open as I hear someone sit down next to me. It's Jace, of course. I act like I don't notice him, even though its hard not to. He taps my shoulder and I pull out a headphone, raising an eyebrow to say 'what'. "Can I have a cookie?" He asks smilingly. I just shake my head no, using all of the little self control I have not to smile back. I lift my hand, about to put my headphone back in. "Pleasee? Come one just one cookie! You have three!" He pleads, sticking out his lip and looking up at me from under his eyelashes. I can't help but laugh. This seems to encourage him, because he actually trys to reach for one. I quickly pick them up and hold them in the air away from him. It feels so good to be smiling again. I haven't smiled in two weeks. Jace's face suddenly slackens and pales. His gaze is set upon the back door. What is he looking at? I turn around and look behind us, only to feel a cookie being snatched from my hand. I turn around to see the whole thing stuffed in Jace's mouth, crumbs on his lips. His lips. I remember the way they felt against mine, and it sends shivers down my spine. The sound of munching makes my refocus on him. "Jace you asshole!" I shout laughing. He keeps munching and shrugs. I laugh even harder at this. After he finishes off the first cookie he reaches out to sneak another. I quickly hold them up as high as I can. Suddenly I get an idea. I pull them both back down to my mouth and lick them, then I send him a smile that says, 'suck that'. He scoffs and covers his eyes with his hands, shaking his head. "What have you done?" He moans at me. I shrug and stuff them in my mouth. He chuckles and I suddenly feel something gripping my hand. I look down and he is holding it. Oh my God. I have been avoiding him and I just broke and didn't realize it. What have I done? I yank my hand away and grab my tray, sprinting from the cafeteria. I put up the tray and run out the doors, heading for the girls bathroom. I hear him running after me. I slip in through the bathroom door, and lean against the wall. I can't believe I did that to him, I gave him hope and tomorrow I'll be dead. I can't let him get close to me. I have to keep pulling away. While I'm still catching my breath the door flies open a second time, hitting the wall behind it harshly. "Jace what the hell? You can't be in here! If someone finds out-" He cuts me off, "Anything for you, darling." I roll my eyes on the outside, but inside I was melting. "What do you want?" I snarl, acting annoyed. "You.." He murmurs, approaching me. I hold out a hand to stop him. "Jace, I just-just can't deal with this right now," I squeak back, sounding like the pathetic little girl I am. He just nods, but there is still a determined look in his eyes though. "You know no matter how much you push me away, how much you hurt me, how much you say you don't care, it won't change the way I feel about you," He stars, "I, am in love with you Clary Fray, and I always will be, no matter what you do." That was wrong. What if what I do is kill myself. I shake my head, unshed tears filling my eyes. "Y-you need to go Jace," I stutter, attempting to blink away the tears. He nods and opens the door and walks out. As the door closes I hear him whisper, "I'm never giving up, Clary." I have to do it now, I should've done it earlier. How could I have been so stupid, not only was it more suffering for me, but them too. I walk to my locker and grab my satchel, school isn't over but it doesn't matter. I jog out of school, headed to the house. I had left my sketchpad there and wanted to have it as I left this world. Twenty minutes later I'm in my room, grabbing my sketch book. I hug it close to my body, cherishing it. It was all I had left. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then walk down the stairs and out the door. On my way out the door I run into someone else. I look up and I can't breathe. I try to get air into my lungs, but it refuses to enter them. My heart is beating so quickly that I can hear it. This isn't happening, this isn't real. It can't be. "Mom?" I whisper. "Oh my Clary!" She coos, trying to pull me into a big hug. I feel so angry. I hate her. I shove her away from me harshly. "Why are you here Jocelyn?" I bark seething. "I made a mistake Clary, I missed you all." She mumbles quietly, regret and pain woven in her tone. Good, she should be in pain. "Well what happened to the house, it looks terrible.." She remarks, stating the obvious. "I don't know maybe it's that our mom left us?" I reply sarcastically. "Clary, I didn't do anything wrong, look you all are fine." She retorts carelessly. "FINE?" I shout in her face, taking her by surprise. I am so angry that I can't control what I do or say. "Well.. yes." She mutters. I lift up my sleeves, showing here the cuts. 'Does this look fine to you?" I whisper maliciously. She gasps. "Oh my! Clary did you do this to yourself? Was it because of me?" She asks, tears streaming from her eyes. She had no right to cry. "Oh no.." I start, "these are because of you." I lift up my pants showing my black and purple legs with the burn scars, move my hair off my neck, showing the hand shaped bruises and slap welts, I pull up my shirt showing the stab wound scars on my stomach, and whip gashes on my back going from shoulder to hip. She is sobbing by now. "These.. these were because of you. The cuts are because of these." I spit angrily. "Did your father and brother do this to you?" She asks, but her face says she already knows. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I holler at her, "YOU CAUSED THESE!" She falls to her knees. "Why?" She moans. "BECAUSE YOU LEFT US. BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME!" With that I sprint down the road, heading for the park. Tears are falling from my eyes like pouring rain. I can't even think. I just cry, and run. Ten minutes later I arrive at the park, I chose it because it has a large cliff I could jump from. Jumping is the quickest way, least painful. I think I've already had enough pain in my life. I set down my satchel that contained the notes I had written earlier in the week. I hold my sketch pad closer to me, and smile. Finally, the agony is over. With that I run, and jump into the air. Only to have my foot grabbed onto. I am thrown back to the ground, on top of a warm body. "NO!" I shout, "NO, NO, NO, NO! LET ME JUMP! LET GO OF ME, PLEASE... PLEASE JUST LET GO!" I am sobbing and pounding my fists on the persons stomach. I was so close. So, so close. "Shh.." The voice calms, "It's gonna be okay, I've got you, red." Jace.

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**Love ****y'all -kelse**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey y'all its kelse! I really appreciate the reviews on the other chapter, love it when y'all tell me what you think(love or hate). I know some of y'all don't like what I did in the last chapter.. all I can say is sorry. love y'all xox. Please review it helps so so much.**

_(Jace)_

I promised to save her. I don't break promises. She is still in the hospital in intensive care, I know she's going to hate me when she sees me. I was being selfish, thinking of what I needed, not her. I couldn't lose her. She's my everything. After she wakes up, there will be a lot of questions asking why she did it. I have no idea what she is going to say. It would be smart to tell them of the abuse, but it also could be dangerous. All I know is she's alive, breathing. And right now that's all that matters. There is a woman with deep red hair, porcelain skin, emerald eyes, and a tall, lean figure sitting in the chair near me. She looks like an older version of Clary, except for the freckles. Clary had some around her nose, while the woman had none. I liked Clary's freckles, they made her, her. I wonder if the woman is her mom. Clary told me that her mom left her a long time ago. Why would she be back now? A nurse walks into the waiting area and taps my shoulder. "She wants to see you." She explains sweetly. I nod and stand up. My heart flutters in my chest, hope filling my being, maybe she wasn't mad. The nurse, her name card says Maia, leads me to a large room in the back. "You can go in, you have fifteen minutes," She advised patting me on the back. I walk in to the room, it's painted a baby pink with floral sheets and encouraging pictures and posters that say stuff like, 'It's all gonna be alright', 'God loves you', 'learn to dance in the rain'. I bet Clary hates it, I sure as hell do. It's stupid, the people who came up with the saying have no idea what they're talking about. I look in the bed to see her. She's staring at me with eyes filled with intense disgust and hatred. She hates me. I can't believe this is happening. "How are you holding up?" I ask quietly, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm not," She asserts, "the nurses do it for me." I just nod, looking at my feet. "If it was my choice I wouldn't be holding up at all, I'd be dead." She sneers angrily. "Oh." I croak. "OH?" She hollers, she looks so mad it's scary, "YOU KEEP ME SUFFERING, TAKE AWAY THE ONLY THING I WANTED, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS, OH? HUH? WELL THAT IS BULL, JACE LIGHTWOOD, THAT IS BULL." She practically screams, I'm sure the entire hospital can hear, but the look on her face tells me she doesn't care. Her eyes start to fill with tears, "I didn't want you to save me, Jace. Nobody can save me, you didn't save me, you killed me. Did you actually think death is worse than what I go through every day? Do even know what they do to m-" She can't finish because she breaks into sobs, her shoulders shake as the tears stream down her face, her hands covering her eyes. "I know what they do Clary, I'm sor-" She cuts me off, lifting her head up to look at me, "No, no you don't."

_(Clary)_

_I am falling, I can hear the wind whistle in my ears, the cool air swish through my clothes, and I feel.. alive. Then I make impact with the ground, all the bones in my body shatter, they say you can't feel it, but you can. It hurts so bad I can't even yell out, my entire body is shaking because the pain is too much. I then realize the fall itself doesn't kill you, the pain becomes too much and you just shut down. It isn't fast, it's painstakingly slow. I've never felt anything like this before, it feels like my body has been set on fire, run over by a semi multiple times, and my head has been cracked like an egg. Except it's five times worse. Die, die, die.. I think to myself. Why won't I die? I just lie there quivering in pain for what feels like hours, trying to end it, but I can't. Nobody is going to find me. I'm alone and worse than dead. What have I done?_ I wake up gasping for air, what the hell just happened? I know it was a dream, but it felt real, so real that my body is still tingling from the pain I felt. It was awful, words can't describe how bad it was. I shiver at the remembrance of it. Was that what would've happened if I jumped? Would I have just lied there, dying slowly and painfully, filled with regret, or would it be painless and fulfilling? I close my eyes, this is too much to take in, it's all to much. The overwhelming need to die takes over me again, next time I will succeed, nothing will get in my way. I can't believe Jace would do this to me. Can he not tell that this is what I want, that there is nothing left here for me? I do love him, but not even he can fulfill the emptiness devouring my soul. Eyes still closed, I hear the nurse walk in, "Everything okay Miss Fray?" She asks me kindly, she seemed like a good person. "Bring me Jace." I whisper, thinking of how it would feel to see him, all I feel right now is empty and alone. I have a feeling his appearance will bring one emotion to me though. Anger. The nurse walks out, and I open my eyes, scanning my room. It was decent sized, light pink with white design on the walls, there were posters on the walls with cheesy lines of encouragement, the bed sheets were soft and covered with pink and purple flowers. I hated all of it, especially the posters. Suddenly I hear people outside the door, and he walks in. Jace. He is so beautiful, with his golden waves, tanned skin, and pure gold eyes that look like they could see right through you. He reminded me of the sun, the way he gave off energy and light. He kinda smells like sunshine too, I don't know how, he just does. He is scanning the room with a look of horror on his face. At least we can agree on one thing. It doesn't change what he did though, I just don't think I can forgive him. He then looks to me, he looks so sorry and upset. He should be, he made a decision that wasn't his to make. Doesn't change anything though. He just delayed the inevitable. I guess whoever's lives are saved, people are just delaying the inevitable, we all die eventually. I don't see the big deal about staying alive, the world is a horrific place to be. "How are you holding up?" He asks me quietly. This makes me so mad, how does he think?! "I'm not." I state flatly, not wanting to sound to mad, yet. He looks confused so I explain, "The nurses do it for me," he looks down at his feet, so I decide to continue, "If it was my choice I wouldn't be holding up at all, I'd be dead." The longing for death fills me again at the topic, I just don't have the will to live anymore. "Oh," he mutters. I am seething, he can't do what he did and say that. "OH? YOU KEEP ME SUFFERING, TAKE AWAY THE ONLY THING I WANTED, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS, OH? HUH? WELL THAT IS BULL, JACE LIGHTWOOD, THAT IS BULL." I scream as loud as my weak body will let me, not caring who hears me. Suddenly the anger fades and I am left in pain again, it is overtaking my thoughts, my actions, my words. I can control anger, but not pain. No one can. "I didn't want you to save me, Jace. Nobody can save me, you didn't save me, you killed me. Did you actually think death is worse than what I go through every day? Do even know what they do to m-" I break off in sobbing, it is uncontrollable and I can't stop, my body quivers and tears roll down my cheeks onto the flowery sheets below. He has no idea what I've been through, what Jon did to me, was, no is, too much to describe with words. He used me then threw me away, he took my dignity without permission because I didn't fight hard enough. Then my mom came back and its all just too much to handle.. it's too much. I am so weak and pathetic and all I want is to die already, why couldn't he just let me die? "I know what they do Clary, I'm sor-" I interject, looking up into his eyes, tears still falling from mine, "no, no you don't." I breathe pained. "What did they do then?" He asks quietly, confusion and sadness written on his face like words. I shake my head no, I couldn't tell him, it was too painful to relive. "Let me go Jace, please." I whisper to him, my eyes pleading. "Not gonna happen," He starts, "Clary, to be able to live in the light, you have to survive the dark. You can't see things clearly in the dark, so you need light. I'll be your light Clary, if you let me." I just stare at him for a moment. Little did he know that he already is my light. I nod, and he smiles, bringing me into a hug. Yes, he was my light, but what he didn't know, was that death was my sun.

**Hey thanks for reading(: I had a super rough day and I'm not doing to good, so I'm kinda scatter brained and upset at the moment so sorry if you hate. Please tell me what you loved or hated. Reviews mean more than you think, so please review! I love y'all so much and seriously don't know what would happen if I didn't have this..**

**xox - kelse**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey it's Kelse guys(: Just wanted to say I love y'all, you keep me going. Also wanted to say that y'all are amazing people, I don't care what you think, you are, and I think we all need to hear that sometimes, if y'all need someone to talk to I'm always here, I may not respond right away if I don't see it. Anyways, please review it makes me so happy and I love to know what y'all think. Sorry for not updating, I have been having some.. problems lately, thanks for you support!**

_(Clary)_

I have to go home. They are going to hurt me. I close my eyes and remember the feeling I had when I thought they would never touch me again. That feeling has disappeared along with all of my hope. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, waiting for the nurse to walk in, but she doesn't. It's twelve o' clock, lunch time, the nurse always brings me lunch at this time. I hate it when they come in, I have to act like I'm okay. I'm not okay. The worst was when Simon came in, he was so mad at me. He called me pathetic and worthless. He said that I didn't deserve to be alive if I was going to put all my friends through that pain. Tears stream down my cheeks onto the cheery, flowery mattress, its happiness mocking me cruelly. I am pathetic. Suddenly the darkness that lingers in the back of my head at all times pulls forward again, clouding my thoughts. I throw the covers from my body and rush into the sullen bathroom, it's blanche white walls contradicting the bedroom. I preferred it in here. I throw open cupboards, searching for my release. I need to find it. I dump bags of hygiene products, such as shampoo and lotion on the floor, scattering them everywhere. "Where is it.." I mumble hysterically under my breath, digging through the miscellaneous pile. I know what I'm going to do and I'm ashamed of it, but I can't help it. I reach into a cotton bag filled with nail polish and other items. All they have is tweezers, they'd have to do. I grab the tip and drag it across my forearm, wincing in pain, yet also sighing in relief. You see, cutting is kinda like a drug, it hurts you, usually eventually kills you, but you can't stop. It's not the fact that you like doing it, it's that you want the distraction from your pain. It isn't relief at all, it makes your pain worse, makes you feel ashamed and weak, but in that moment you would do anything for that little distraction because right then your emotional pain hurts you more than any cut ever could. I bite my lip and drag it across my scarred and tender flesh again. The tweezers hurt more than the razors I usually used do, causing the pain to last a little longer. I shake my head at what I had just done, thing is, I don't really care anymore. My heart throbs with emotion pain, as my arm does with physical. I clean out the cuts with alcohol and turn on the shower water. I strip down, looking away from the mirror, not wishing to look at my ghost, and hop in the burning water. It drips down my arm, causing the cuts to burn as the water and blood to mix and turn a light pink as it runs down the drain. Jon is going to touch me again. I lean against the wet tile wall, body heaving as a choke out my tears. I cover my eyes and try to stop the endless river of tears, but they won't. "Stop crying.." I whisper, "Stop crying," at this they just flow down my cheeks faster, blurring my vision entirely. I sob and bang my head against the wall, "stop," I choke out, "crying.." Everything in the shower is spinning, all I can think is he's going to do it again, and I won't be able to stop him, because I'm weak. Because I'm pathetic. Because I'm worthless. Because I'm already technically dead. The need to throw my body from a ledge consumes my mind once again. "why can't I just die," I sob, "All I wanna do is just die.." I put pressure on my eyes, trying to stop the endless supply of tears protruding from them. I scream in frustration and pain as I bang my head up against the wall again, this time much too hard. Everything goes black as my body crumbles to the floor. "Finally.." I whisper.

I wake up. I really wish I hadn't woken up. I feel very dizzy and can't open my eyes for too long. Everything seems so blurry and bright if I do, not to mention the killer migraine. I slowly open and close one eye, trying to get it to focus. It won't. Then it hits me, why do I care? I lie back down, blood flowing from my split head. I give up.

I wake up this time, barely able to move. The entire shower floor is coated with my warm blood. I was bleeding out. I don't want to die like this. I slowly lift my head from the sticky floor, opening and shutting my eyes. I am able to focus the left one enough to pull myself into a sitting position. The water once warm on my body, now hits me freezing cold, I barely notice. Thing is, I must've been out for a while, nobody noticed I was gone, nobody cared. I pull myself onto my feet, gripping the shower handle to steady myself. The entire room was spinning around me. My stomach emptied it's contents onto the floor moments later. I shakily open the door and hobble out onto the matt, blood streaming from my body and staining it a deep crimson. I pad slowly on the cool tile floor to the large mirror over the sink. I grip the counter and look up nervously into the glass. I gasp at the sight before me. There was a fist sized wound at the top right of my forehead, it was about three inches deep. I'm surprised I didn't see bone. My entire face my coated in my blood, including various other places on my body. My skin was paler then it had ever been, it was a snowy with with a yellowish tint to it. My eyes were a faded green, as if all the color had drained from them. The wound was throbbing painfully. I have no idea what to do about it so I throw on a fluffy white robe, attempting to tie it with my shaking fingers, but failing. Everything starts to spin again, I wobble into my room and land face first onto the floor. "Please make the pain stop." I whisper as I pass out again.

_(Jace)_

This waiting room is really boring. Especially considering the fact I've been in it for three days straight, except for when I left for short periods of time to shower. They wouldn't let me see her, because they say she's unstable and is better off to be in solitude for a little while. They don't get it though, being alone gives you time to think, and thinking brings only dark thoughts. I miss her so much. I am so worried for her. I am taking her home with me once they let her leave the hospital, I won't ever let them touch them again. I keep telling the nurses I have something important to tell her, but they don't care. I have evidence that she has been abused, so I'm going to take them to court. I have waited until now because her leaving would cause them to beat her harder than ever when they found her, and if I had taken it to court earlier, they could've won, also putting Clary in even more danger. I want to torture and murder them both for what they did to her, but doing that would take me away from Clary. Suddenly the emergency light starts to blink and the alarm starts to go off. "Patient emergency, all staff needed immediately, critical condition, room 305!" The intercom above me says loudly. Room 305. That's Clary's room. I fly out of my seat and down the hall, pushing people who try to stop me away. I sprint down and throw open the door. I feel sick at what I see, tears well up in my eyes and drip down my face. Clary is laying on the floor half naked surrounded by blood. I run in and pull her limp body into my lap, cradling her head and stroking her blood soaked hair. "Clary please.. please don't leave me, I love you. I've never loved anyone or anything like I do you Clary. You are my everything, and without you, I would have nothing." I whisper, my tears cascading onto her bloody body. "Don't leave me, I was saving you Clary, just like you saved me." Without this fiery haired girl I have no reason to live. Without Clary Fray I won't live. I will follow her into the depths of the unknown, because I love her. If she dies, her fate will become mine. "Don't die Clary.." I whisper, closing my bloodshot eyes and pulling her cold body into my lifeless one.

**Please review it means so much to me.**

**I love y'all so much.**

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**Stay strong xox**

**Kelse**


	13. Chapter 13

Hi** its kelse. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I have been having a rough time. Severe clinical depression runs through my family and I just found out I have it and will be battling it the rest of my life. Fun right? On a brighter note I'm back and hopefully will be updating more regularly. Im praying none of y'all gave up on me or the story.. I'm ****really sorry. I love y'all, you keep me alive. xx-**

_(Clary)_

_ Razor sharp teeth grin at me, while hate filled eyes the color of coal look at me evilly. His white blonde hair shimmers in the hospital room around me. How did he get here? How did he find me? My breath quickens as I quiver in fear and put a hand out to stop his form that is slowly prowling up to me. "Hi sissy." He growls, smiling at me manically, "want to play a game?" And then he pounces. I scream. I kick and flail, trying to get his body off of mine, but he's just so much bigger than me. "No...no not again," I whimper, shutting my eyes tightly, trying to make him disappear, "anything but this.." "You mean you don't like it when I touch you like this?" He whispers, trailing a finger up my body. "No!" I yell, tears pouring from my stricken face. He leans down and licks them off my cheeks, causing me to pull further down into the hard, unforgiving mattress. "But you belong to me sissy, I can do whatever I want to you.." He purrs in my ear, planting kisses down my pale neck. I scream the only thing I can think at the moment. "JACE!" I shout at the top of my lungs, "JACE HELP ME!" Tears roll down my cheeks faster, and my heart beats violent and quick against my ribs. "Oh, he can't save you Clary. He doesn't love you. Who could love you? I mean look at you, you're pathetic and disgusting." He sneers, his cold eyes cutting into my broken soul. "B-but he said he did.." I whisper. "He said he'd save me." "Oh, Clary my sister, that's where you're wrong, nobody can save you.. because nobody wants too." Tears pour from my eyes as my heart shatters into tiny pieces leaving me empty. He never loved me, he pitied me. He just wants me out of his life. Everyone does. Suddenly there is a flash of gold and Jonathan's body is thrown from mine and into the stone wall to the left of the bed, he makes impact and falls to the floor in a broken pile, and he looks.. dead. The bright light forms into a boy, my savior. He sends a kind smile down at me and squeezes my hand reassuringly. "Jace.." I whisper. _

I wake up in a cold sweat, my heartbeat at an unreasonably high pace. Sheets are strewn across the bed, hanging off the sides unevenly, while all pillows have been thrown from the bed and are at least at a five foot distance. I squeeze my bloodshot eyes shut and rub them with my knuckles, trying to clear my jumbled thoughts. Just a dream. I sigh inwardly as I open my tingly eyes and hop from the messy bed. My head has healed slightly but still has a nasty gash; the doctors say it will be noticeably better in two weeks, but not completely healed for a while because of the wounds depth. I seriously remember nothing from that night, only blurry bits and pieces that make no sense. The therapist says that I don't remember because my brain doesn't want too. I don't want to remember Jonathan, yet there he was, in my nightmares once again. Therapy has been helping immensely, even though at times the therapist is a complete idiot. Jace has been with me nonstop, he literally hasn't let me out of sight. Not that I mind of course. He is my angel: golden and safe. He told me I was staying with him after I got to leave the hospital and have been filled with jitters(the good kind)ever since. Jocelyn has visited a couple times over the week, bringing me lunch and chatting with me for a while. I haven't completely forgiven her, but this is a start. I can tell she regrets what she did, and was just being young and stupid. She never knew I would be hurt the way I was, she thought I would just be living without a mother. We are taking Valentine and Jon to court in a week, and Jocelyn and Jace and I will all be testifying against them. Simon has been visiting nonstop also, he keeps apologizing and saying he was a complete douche bag. I can't help but forgive him, he is my best friend of course. He has been staying and reading me manga when I'm bored and catching me up on what I missed in all my classes. I don't know what I'd do without him. Izzy has been coming around quite a bit too, painting my nails an bringing magazines to flip through. I have to admit, having a girl friend is actually really refreshing. For once in my life things are actually looking up. I just hope that things won't go crashing down again. Sadly, knowing me, the crashing is inevitable.

_(Jace)_

I open and close my eyes repeatedly, trying to keep myself from falling back into my dreamless slumber. Once my vision is cleared, I check the clock: 7:00. Perfect. I have an hour to get ready and plan before I go get Clary from the hospital. She thinks tomorrow is her last day, I mean it was supposed to be but, I talked the hospital into today so I could surprise her. I slip from the comfort of my toasty duvet and onto the cool wooden floor. I pad into my closet and pull out a pair of jeans, a nicely fitting white tshirt, and my black chucks. After slipping on my clothes I walk into my in-room bathroom and glance in the mirror. I have a major bed head and the bags under my eyes are extremely obvious, considering the lack of sleep from sleeping in the chair in Clary's hospital room. Last night was my first night to sleep on a real bed in a week. It felt amazing. My stress is also a lot better considering Clary's recovery both physically and mentally. The thought of getting to lock her abusers in prison to rot is so amazing. I care more for Clary than myself, so saving her is the best feeling in the world. Almost losing her had been awful, I didn't eat or sleep or leave the hospital. I lost thirty pounds and looked like a ghost. Eventually I passed out from lack of food and was put in my own room for a day or two. Ever since then though, things have been going uphill at a quick pace. I run my fingers through my mess of hair, attempting to tame it slightly. Unable to, I decided to go for the 'just got out of bed' look that girls supposedly loved. I knead my dark circles lightly, attempting to fade them slightly, and failing. I sigh in defeat and I exit the room and jog down the stairs. Tonight I was taking Clary on a picnic, then back here, to my house I shared with Izzy and my step parents. The picnic will be in this meadow about thirty minutes away, it's absolutely beautiful. I have already packed all her favorite foods in the basket: peanut butter sandwiches, cucumbers, mangos, cornbread, grapes, baby tomatoes, and chocolate covered strawberries. I couldn't wait to see her face when we got there. The thing that made me happiest in this world was her, so when she was happy, I was on cloud 9.

_(Clary)_

I pull myself from the comfortable sheets of my bed to the cold floor. It is so cold I let out a surprised yelp, springing back into my warm cover. God, did I hate mornings. Wincing, I put my left foot back on the floor, testing it. After that foot adjusted I moved to the next one, repeating the process. I then skipped into the bathroom cheerfully, remembering Jace would be here in an hour. Thinking of him makes me feel like I'm drowning yet flying at the same time, with millions of fireworks exploding in my stomach, threatening to overcome me. So this is what love feels like. I sigh happily as I brush my teeth. I comb through my wild hair, eventually giving up on it and throwing it into a messy bun. I apply some mascara, black eyeliner, a little powder, and some cherry chapstick onto my tired face. I no longer had to cake on the makeup because I had no bruises to hide anymore. Of course I still had scars, but I didn't mind them. Less makeup felt like heaven itself had come to earth and given me a gift. I pad into my makeshift closet and pull out a light pink, floral, strapless sundress that hit right above my knees. I slid on my comfortable leather sandals, appreciating the warm weather of early may. I hop back onto my bed and read my new favorite book, Shiver, while I await Jace's arrival.

_(Jace)_

My heart beats a thousand miles a minute as I slide into Clary's room. I was so excited yet anxious for her reaction to the news. "Hey Red." I say, trying to sound nonchalant. "Jace!" She grins, running up to body slam/hug me (with her they were the same thing and I thought it was absolutely adorable.) I hold her to me tightly, and close my eyes, cherishing everything about this moment, about her. "I missed you.." She murmurs into my chest lovingly, sending vibrations through my body. "I missed you too." I say rubbing circles on her back. "So, how'd you sleep?" She questions, pulling away from the hug and backing up slightly. Cold fills my body at the loss of her touch. I just wish I could hold her and never let go. "Amazing.. other the the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about how much I missed you." I admit, smiling. At this her cheeks warm to a rosy shade of pink. "I love you" She whispers, quietly, but the meaning and love behind the words is loud and clear. "I love you too," I promise, grabbing her hand to hold onto. I bring her into a kiss, light yet intimate. "I wish.." She starts quietly, shutting her eyes, "I just wish I could live in this moment right here forever, you know? Everything is perfect." I smile bigger at this, seeing this is a good time to tell her the news. "I know how to make it even better," I imply, pulling her closer to me. "I don't think that is possible, Jace." She confesses, looking up into my eyes. "You," I say, "are moving in with me today." Her eyes widen with astonishment, then joy. "As in now?" She asks excitedly. I shrug. "YES!" She shouts, "I FINALLY GET TO LEAVE THIS HELL HOLE!" She then covers her mouth, realizing any nurse or doctor could've heard her. I laugh, "better get you packed up then.." I say heading towards the closet. "Yes we better." She states, rushing over to help me out.

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**I'm so happy things are starting to look up for them(:**

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**xx- kelse**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi its kelse again. I had an awful day; super sad for no reason whatsoever. Guess that comes with the whole depression package. My life is just so stressful right now, so many bad things at once; and its beginning to consume me. I know y'all don't care but I have to get it out somehow, considering my family or friends don't know and if they did I'd be even more alone. People just don't get that we don't want you're pity, because pity is fake, we want your acceptance. Anyways next chapter. Sorry I'm a suckish writer.. Please review it makes my day. **

_(Clary)_

My body is jerked forward from my seat once again, as Jace slams on the gas just in time to skid to a stop in front of the blinking red light above. Everything about tonight was just breathtaking. The moon shone pure and full above us, the quickly darkening winter night lit with the city lights, the breeze filled with the smell of pine trees and crisp air from the open window. I close my eyes, in pure bliss of this moment. Then we slam to an extremely ungraceful halt for at least the twentieth time. I sigh exasperated with his terrible driving skills. I look over to my angel, everything about him was golden and filled with light, and somehow he managed to shine brighter than the moon or lights ever could. A sharp turn sends me flying to the left, shoving me into his shoulder. He mutters quiet profanity under his breath and gives me a concerned look. "Sorry Clary.. You okay?" He asks, examining my body and eyes for pain or injury. "Yes other than the fact that you are completely ruining the moment." I mutter, elbowing him in the side lightly. A look of determination passes over his face as he states, "It won't happen again I swear.." I smile cheerily at him, kissing him on the cheek. He grips onto my left hand and rubs soothing circles on it, "I love you" I whisper, lips brushing against the sensitive spot under his ear. He groans softly, "I love you…" he murmurs, holding my hand tighter, "and I don't know how I would've survived without you here."

I close my eyes and look to the floor, ashamed of myself. "Jace?" "Yep." He says, eyes trained on the road. "Just.. just for tonight can we not talk about that.. can we just be a normal couple just this once, who love each other and thats all that matters." I whisper in a strained voice, embarrassed I had just told him my wish that could never be. Not because of him. Because of me. My past. My present. My future. None of it is normal. None of it is good. We turn into a small area of grass, no cars were around; they haven't been for at least three miles. He hops out of the car quickly, and I stay seated, waiting for him to do something that proves what a gentleman he is. Hearing my door open I unbuckle and hop out. My head is spinning at the things he didn't say, the things I should never have said at all. I start to trudge away, lost in anxious thought as I feel myself being gently turned around. He puts his hands on my cheeks, caressing them softly and pulling my face to look at him. His golden eyes stare at me with such intensity my heart flutters violently in my chest. "Clary, I know we're not normal. Not even close, actually. But I don't care. All I need is you Clary Fray, nothing more. I don't need this normal you fantasize about, normal isn't special. But if normal is what you want, Clarissa, hell, Ill give you all the normal I've got. I'll give you everything I've got Clary, because I belong to you. I have ever since I first met you, and I always will." He looks down at me with more love in his eyes than any romantic book or movie could portray. Because here in this moment we were real. Real isn't being normal or perfect. Real is in ways so much better yet so much worse. Real is emotion. Real is feeling the bad too, making the good all the better. "I am yours, always have been, always will be Jace." I mutter, closing my eyes as he brings his lips down to mine. At first its a light, flutter of a kiss. Then it becomes passionate, filled with lust, stress, love, sadness, and need. His tongue licks my bottom lip requesting entry which I happily oblige to. We explore each others mouths as we do each others bodies, my hand fisted in his golden locks, and other caressing his lower back. He pulls me in closer and I lean in, it was as if we were trying to become one and the same, mesh ourselves together for eternity. I don't ever want to pull away, but my lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen, so I do. While still trying to steady my breaths I glance up at Jace, who is staring down at me lovingly, wearing that crooked smile of his that I thought was just adorable.

"If that's what normal is we can be normal more often." He grins looking down at me, famous cocky attitude returning full swing. "Oh but you said you didn't like normal Jace.." I let on backing away from him quickly. Suddenly he attempts to grab me and pull me back in, but I dart away giggling hysterically. "Claryy.." He groans, pretending to be annoyed at my teasing. He's bad at pretending. I dart away from his groping hands again, and run under he leafy cover of a nearby weeping willow. Panting, I hide behind the trunk, placing my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. Once my lungs stop feeling dead I look around, suddenly confused. How has he not found me yet? Out of nowhere hands grab my body and gently, yet passionately slams it against the tree. His lips hungrily kiss mine again, more passionate this time. His hands trace up and down my sides, causing me to shiver and tremble. His tongue overpowers mine and begins to work magic in my mouth that causes me to moan loudly. I feel him smile against my lips and pull away, still keeping his face so close to mine, our noses are about touching. "This is what you get for being a tease.." He fake scolds, sliding his hands up and down my arms. "If that's what I get for being I tease, I should tease you more often," I smirk at him, giving him a taste of his own medicine. He laughs, edging our faces closer yet again, I close my eyes anticipating the soft brush of his lips: when my stomach goes and ruins it all. It grumbles loud and long, demanding to be noticed. "Hungry?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I shrug. "Perfect." He states grabbing my hand and leading me back to the truck. He pulls out a large, baby blue quilt and stuffs it under his arm, then grabs a decent sized basket and motions for me to follow him. I can't help the smile spreading across my face. He was too sweet. "Thank God, I was really hoping you didn't bring me all the way out here to just make out, not very classy." I cluck, gripping onto his forearm as we hike further into the woods. He snorts at this, and mutters something under his breath like, "this is why I love you." Not sure he said that though.

Five minutes later we arrive at a place I can't find a word or song lyric or even picture to describe. I was in complete and utter awe with its beauty. The grass was so green it could be seen even in the dark, the trees surrounding it were thick and dense, the entire meadow like place was filled entirely of wildflowers of bright purples, deep blues, and extravagant pinks. Small animals such as rabbits and squirrels could be seen leaping across the field at times. Not to mention the stars that shone so brightly it lit the entire area like one big spotlight. Jace just walks across and sets the blanket on the ground, pulling assorted foods from the weaved basket. "You coming?" He questions, motioning for me to come. I walk over to him, still examining the heavenly meadow around me. I plop down on the blanket and look jace in the eyes. "This is better than any normal date I've ever been on." I whisper. "You're better than any normal girl I ever dated." He replies casually as if it was a known fact of the world. My cheeks burn a light crimson that I hope he couldn't notice in the starlight. My stomach grumbles again, demanding food, so I glance down examining what he brought. He brought my favorite.. well everything. It had peanut butter sandwiches, chocolate covered strawberries, red grapes, the little cherub tomatoes, sliced cucumber, mint chocolates, and best of all, cornbread. I quickly grabbed a sandwich biting into the creamy delicacy."This is perfect." He just nods, staring at me. "This place is so beautiful.." I mumble before eating a handful of grapes. "Yah well it's nothing compared to the beauty sitting in front of me." He whispers as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

**How did you like it? Too much kissing/romance? Love or hate? Please tell me! Reviews encourage me to keep writing and just going in general. Any ideas or inspiration. I love you all so so much please remember that. xox- kelse**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the 100 reviews I seriously can't stop smiling! You guys are the best and serioauly just made my life. I love you all so so much. Thank you for always offering me comfort, compliments, love, and tips! Anyways please keep reviewing love you. xx- Kelse**

_(Jace)_

"I bet I can fit more grapes in my mouth then you.." Clary smirks at me, grabbing a handful of them. "Oh, you're on." I argue, also grabbing a large pile, and staring into those breathtakingly mischievous green eyes of hers. "So what's the bet gonna be?" She questions, pondering the many choices of wins and losses. "If I win, you have to answer any question I ask truthfully, and reverse." I say, already knowing my question. Surprise and nervousness appear on her stricken face at my suggestion. "Deal." She states with a firm voice, though her face still looks unsure.

Fifteen minutes later my mouth is filled with 27 grapes and hers 29. I can't believe I lost to her. Standing up, she spits the many grapes into the grass near the blanket, as I do the same. "I can't believe you just beat me.." I mumble, thumping back onto the blanket. She raises an eyebrow at me, as if she was in pure disbelief because of my stupidity. "Why? Because I'm a girl?" She questions mockingly, nibbling on a piece of cornbread. I open my mouth to respond, but shut it again, realizing she was very much right. I can't believe I actually underestimated _her._ "Hmm.." She says "Seems like this is the third time I've left you speechless, Jace Lightwood." She brags, smiling at me happily, eyes dancing with happiness and content. "No," I whisper, scooting over closer to her, so that our noses are touching, "You leave me speechless all the time. The way you talk to me, the way your eyes shine brighter than the stars over us, the way your smile fills me with all the happiness in the world, and with the way I love every single thing about you, every single thing.." I mumble, leaning in even closer, so close our lips brush lightly. Just the small touch send electricity through my body, electricity I've never felt with other girls. She leans her head back, granting me entry into her mouth, my tongue quickly overpowering hers and exploring ever crook and crevice of it. She sighs blissfully as I knot my fingers in her long red waves. Her hands stroke my neck softly and intimately, causing me to groan into her mouth. I slowly push her down onto the blanket, putting my forearms outside of her shoulders so I wouldn't put to much weight on her. We kiss quickly and passionately, hands exploring each other like the never have before. Her hands make their way up my shirt onto my bare back, causing me to shiver tremendously. My shirt is lifted over my head with her graceful hands, that soon find their way back to my bare chest. This is the farthest we have gotten and I don't want to do anything Clary isn't ready for.

I break away from the heated kiss, panting, and stare into her eyes. She makes a small noise of disappointment and loss as I sit up, offering her my hand. "Why.. Why did you stop?" She asks her cheeks turning red as she stares at the ground as if embarrassed. She was knotting her fingers together anxiously awaiting my response. Then it hits me, she thinks I stopped because she did something wrong. "I just didn't want to do anything you weren't ready for!" I say so quickly I'm surprised she understood me. "So I didn't mess up?" She asks quietly, looking bashfully into my eyes. "Clary.. That kiss was too amazing to describe with words, what you do to me, well it scares me actually." I whisper, staring off into space, remembering her lips moving with mine, her hands twisted in my hair. "You scare me too." She murmurs, laying a hand on my blushing cheek and rubbing her thumb in small, soothing circles. I close my eyes at the feeling of her touch. "I love you more than I should Clary." I acknowledge, laying my hand over top hers. "I know.." She mumbles, curling up against my still bare chest and shutting her big green orbs. "So you're not ready too you know.. I mean it's fine if you're not I get it I'll wait for you, I-" She cuts me off by shaking her head back and forth, cheeks burning a deep crimson. "No Jace, not yet." She whispers. There is something more behind her voice: pain.

"Clary open your eyes." I command, gripping her petite hand. She shakes her head again, more vigorously this time. "Clary please open your eyes.." I beg stroking her cheek comfortingly, though I'm sure she hear the fearful strain in my voice. She shakes her head again, yet this time a tear falls from a closed eye. "Oh no.." I sputter folding her into my arms. "I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry if you felt I was pressuring you that's not what I was trying to do at all. I want to wait until you're ready, I don't want to force you into anything." I say shamefully, hugging her to me. A muffled sob emits from her, causing me too hold her even closer, if that was possible. The sobs soon rack her body and she starts to shake uncontrollably. I pull her away from me slightly, too look at her. She opens her eyes and stares into mine, in them I see the most miserable look. It almost brings me to tears. They are filled with pain, terror, regret, and self-hatred. "It wasn't what you said.. I know thats not what you meant." She sniffles, sobs starting to clear up. I reach out a thumb and wipe some mascara of her soaked cheeks. "What is it then?" I ask sympathetically, rubbing soothing on her tense back. "I can't.." She shakes her head violently, tears starting to fill her eyes. "It's okay.. you're fine now.." I soothe, looking into her eyes. "No i'm not okay!" She cries out, tears streaming down her face and onto the blanket. "Why not?" I ask suddenly confused, I thought things had gotten better. She shakes her head again. "Please tell me Clary.. I want to help you." I whisper. I was filled with anxiety at what was wrong. Was it my fault? Seeing her in pain hurt me more than anything else ever could. I wish there was some way I could go back and fix her past, some how go back and take her place so she wouldn't have to be this broken. I would do anything for her. But there's nothing I can do unless she tells me whats wrong. "Jace.." She says hoarsely, obviously out of tears to cry. "Jace.. Im not a virgin." My body fills with relief. I dont care if she was or not. I love her and thats all that will ever matter. "I don't care about that! How could I ever care about that? Are you upset because you thought it would make me mad or something?" I ask quietly. "No.. No you don't get it." She says, eyes staring away as if she was here with me, yet also somewhere else. "What do I not get?" I ask suddenly very confused with where this was going. "I didn't lose my virginity by choice, Jace.." She whimpers quietly, staring at the floor. "What do you mean?" I ask though I already knew. My body tightens with anger and pain. I would kill whoever did this. "He raped me Jace.." She mumbles, pain filled eyes searching mine. "Who?" I grunt. She stares at me for a long while before looking away and whispering the word that made me angrier than I have ever been, "Jonathan." The backs of my eyes sting as I feel a tear roll down my cheek. "It's okay." She says, but the pain in her wet strain in her throat and depressed eyes covered with unshed tears told me otherwise. "I'm so scared.." She sobs, covering her eyes with her hands. "I'm so scared he will find me and hurt me again. Touch me again. It hurt so bad Jace, it hurt so so bad. And I wasn't strong enough too stop him, it's all my fault. What if I can't stop him again Jace? I can't go through that again." I start to cry at the pain in her voice, that the girl I loved had gone through that and I didn't stop it. That she would live with it forever. "I'll keep you safe, I will never ever let him touch you again, Clary. I will protect you with my life." I whisper, voice ebbed with confidence at the truth. I will protect her with my life. I am going to kill Jonathan. "Can I ask you the question now? She asks nervously, looking up into my eyes. "Of course." I say, coaxing her to tell me her thoughts. "What.. What is your biggest regret?" She asks. I don't even have to think twice. I roll up my right sleeve, showing the large jagged scar running across my wrist. She sucks in a breath. "What is that from?" She asks naively, still in a state of shock. "Kitchen knife. After my 'dad' touched me I couldn't take the pain or the guilt anymore. I tried to end it. It would've worked too if the neighbor hadn't found me." I whisper ashamed. She looks at me eyes not filled with pity, yet filled with acceptance and love. "Why is that your biggest regret?" She asks confusion lining her tone. "Because, you see, if I had succeeded, I never would've met you." I admit, looking up at her. "I love you." I whisper. She nods, tears silently dripping to the floor as she crawls over to me. She balls up in my lap and I wrap my arms around her heaving form. "I l-love you too." She croaks. And in that moment I know she does

**What did y'all think? Please review and tell me if you liked.**

**Love or hate? Please make sure to let me know!**

**This one was kinda bittersweet. I just love them together.**

**Jonathan better watch his back.**

**Next chapter will be moving in and the trial.**

**PL: "Scared"-NONONO; "District Sleeps Alone Tonight"-Birdy; "Unwell"-Matchbox Twenty**

**REVIEW AND LOVE JACE!(:**

**xoxo-Kelse**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi guys. Just wanted to tell you you're amazing no take backs(: Anyways please review it means so so much. Wanted to give a very special thank you to Kemerand and Yoitsyourstruly. Kemerand has been a reader from the start and takes time to always review, and also talks not only about the story but has helped me through a rough time or two. Thank you, it means more than you could ever know. Yoitsyourstruly has been reading for awhile too and is absolutely hysterical. I laughed at your review for literally five minutes. To ease you, there will be know smut in this ****story. I don't like writing about stuff like that and I definitely wouldn't want any young unsuspecting reader to see it. There will be kissing but nothing too graphic, mostly just fluff like before.(: Anyways please read and review. Love you all to the moon and back again. xx-kelse**

_(Clary)_

I lay there cheeks wet, mind racing, heart thumping, encased in his warm arms, yet somehow I manage to drift off into sleep.

_"Clary I'm home!" Father calls, setting his keys and briefcase on the granite counter. I rush down the stairs, grin plastered on my face. I walk into the kitchen slowly, trying to emit a more adult ere. I mean after all today was my tenth birthday: double digits is a big deal. "Do I look different?" I ask __nonchalantly. He just stares down at me intensely, not answering the question. I shrug it off and walk to the fridge and pull out the cakes we bought a couple days ago. We bought two considering it was not only my birthday. It was also my mothers. My dad still just stares at nothingness blankly, as if he weren't in the room. I can't believe he is acting so rude, its my birthday and he hasn't even given me a single hug. "Jon!" I holler as loud as I can, "Time for cake and stuff!" "Finally," He groans, racing down the stairs holding a wrapped gift. "I've been waiting to give you this all day!" He complains, handing over the box excitedly. I smile big at him and grab it and set it on the table saying, "Well you have to wait a little longer, you know we always start with cake." He pretends to be annoyed but I can still see the shadow of a smile on his face. "Dad? Can you do the candles so I can make a wish?" I ask tapping his arm, and staring up at his tall form. He blinks for a while as if finally returning to consciousness. "Oh of course, darling." He purrs and grins at me, but something seems off. Maybe he's just sleepy, I know I'm kinda sleepy. He opens a drawer and removes eleven bright green candles and a lighter. He plops them in the cake one by one, and lights each. He then sets the stuff down and looks to me expectantly. What? I'm confused. "Why aren't there candles on mommy's cake?" I ask shyly, looking at my cakes untouched replica. "Excuse me?" Father barks, glaring down at me incredulous. "I was just wondering why we didn't put any candles on mommy's cake, it's her birthday too." I state motioning to the unloved chocolate cake. "You know you're just like her. The way you look, the way you always demand more, nothing is ever enough, I give you everything but it isn't ever enough." He mutters, his eyes distant once again. I cock my head to the side confused. What is he talking about? "I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!" He shouts in my face, once blank eyes now filled with rage, "AND YOU THROW IT IN MY FACE!" I quiver back in fear, searching for the safety of Jon, but he is on the other side of dad, staring at him with fearful eyes. Father then grabs a candle from my cake and lights mom's cake on fire. The flames spark up and devour the sugary dessert. Tears stream down my face as I look at my crazed father. Whatever sanity he had held onto was gone and he was now a monster. He savagely turns his gaze from the fire to me, "Why set something that stands for her on fire, when you can do the same to her replica.." He hisses, gripping my hips and tossing me to ground. I struggle to get up, but he flips me over so I'm laying on my stomach and holds me down. He grips the birthday candle in his hand, runs the fire up and down my bare leg. I scream in pain, it is so intense I can barely move. "DAD STOP IT!" I hear Jon scream, but it was to late, I had already caught fire. It hurt so so bad. My dad kept attacking my leg with the candle as he began to sing, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Clary, Happy Birthday to you." I screamed and 'screamed as the room filled with the stench of burnt flesh. I kicked and squirmed trying to break free from him. Sobs muffled by the wooden floor. I felt as if I were about to empty my stomach's contents all over the floor. I had no way to describe the pain it was so different and terrible. I could hear Jon sobbing somewhere, but it seemed far away. There was a faint buzzing in my ears and everything got blurry. The pain became too much and I gave into the darkness._

I blink my eyes slowly coming out of my dreamlike state. I was sweating bullets and my heart was racing. Only then do I hear the voice screaming my name, and feel the hands shaking my shoulders. I look up to see a panicked Jace hovering over me, face distraught and eyes filled with terror. "Jace.." I mutter hoarsely looking up at him reassuringly, "I'm okay.. Breath." He sighs with relief but his expression still looks uncertain. He pulls me back into his lap and plays with my hair. "You scared me so much," He whispers closing his eyes, "You kept screaming, crying and thrashing, but no matter how loud I yelled or how hard I shook you wouldn't wake up." I sit up and trace circles on his cheek, bringing my lips to his in a short-sweet kiss. "I'm okay now, just a dream." I assure him, though I know, it wasn't a dream, but a memory. My leg still tingles at the thought. I want to cry, to break down, but I can't, I have to be strong for him. He nods slightly, encasing my hands in his. "It hurts so much to see you in that much pain and not be able to stop it," He starts quietly, "Clary I just-" His voice cracks and I bury my face in his neck. "I know." I mutter to him, lips caressing the soft, sensitive skin of his collarbone. "We should probably pack up and head back, it's getting late." He says suddenly realizing we had been out here for forever. I nod and stand up, picking up the left over food and placing it in the basket as he folds the blanket. He grabs it from me and we head back for the car.

An hour later we pull up at a mansion. It was seriously huge. I gape and stare out the window, taking in the four story building. Jace just chuckles and slides out of the car, grabbing the stuff and opening my door for me. I step out still admiring the place, compared to my shabby home, this was just.. holy shit. It was a white house, four stories, huge front yard with an even huger backyard backing up to the woods, and even with all this it still had a comfortable and welcoming glow. Jace grips my hand and leads me up to the front door, knocking twice. After a couple seconds of no response, Jace raises his hand to knock again just as he door flies open revealing a pajama clad Izzy. "Izzy!" I coo running up and hugging her. At first Izzy looks confused, but then returns the hug and smiles at me warmly. "What are you guys doing here?" She questions, raising an eyebrow at Jace imparticular. "Well.." Jace starts, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Clary needs somewhere to stay for a while so yah." At first she looks blank but then she smiles huge and says, "Finally I needed another teenage girl in the house, the testosterone is overwhelming." I laugh and Jace rolls his eyes grinning. "Well I'll show Clary to her room and-" Jace says only to be interrupted by Izzy, "A room that will not be your own I'm assuming?" She asks giving Jace an 'oh no you don't' look. "Yes of course Izzy, I'm not a complete dick you know." He groans pushing past her. "Thats debatable." I state teasingly, sticking my tongue out at him. "Wait- Clary where is your luggage?" Izzy asks confused. I point to the small bag in Jace's hand. "WHAT?" She cries out as if in pain at the the sight. "This is all you brought?" "Well yah.." I say awkwardly, deciding not to mention it is, in fact, all I own. "Well that will have to change, tomorrow we shop like crazy." She concludes proudly, strutting down the hall yelling, "Goodnight!", before I have a chance to decline. Jace laughs at my befuddled expression and leads me up two flights of stairs. "Well at least I'll be staying in shape," I mutter sarcastically as we reach the top of the second flight. "Thats the point." Jace confesses and I slap him playfully on the shoulder. He leads me down the hall and stops at the fifth door on the right.

I open the door and peer in, I can't help but gasp. The room was painted a very soft green, and the walls were coated with posters of my favorite bands: NONONO, Sleeping with Sirens, The Neighbourhood, Panic! at the Disco, and Arctic Monkeys, It had a private bathroom along with a walk in closet, and the bedding was a white with teal floral. It was perfect. I turn to him and kiss him smack on the mouth before dashing in and flipping onto the bed. I was soft and amazing. "Wow Jace, I have no words." I praise sighing with content. He smiles and me and sets down my bag. I tell him to turn away as I slip on some PJs. I slide under the warm covers and close my eyes. He kisses my forehead and turns off the light, before calling back in, "I love you." I swear I'm in paradise.

**Hi!  
What did you think?  
Love or hate?  
No worries it's about to get very interesting..  
As in next chapter.  
Prepare yourself  
AND REVIEW!  
LOVE YOU ALL W EVERYTHING IVE GOT(:**

**xx-kelse**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi it's Kelse! I was thinking of doing a glimpse into Jace's mysterious here goes nothing(: Please review it means so so so much from amazing people like you guys. I love each and every one of you so keep pushing through, I'm here for you guys if you need it! xx-Kelse ILOVEJACE **

_(Clary)_

I can't sleep. I've tried my side, back, stomach, facing the opposite way, and literally nothing has worked enough to even make me drowsy. I was tired but my thinking woke me up again. Now I'm wired, as if on caffeine- except worse. Insomnia wasn't rare for me, so this wasn't unusual, I just thought a new, safe home would change things. I was wrong. I sigh frustrated with my stupid brain that would not let me sleep, I mean it was three in the morning for god's sake, why am I not tired? I cuddle into a ball, trying to control the shivering quakes running through my body. Damn it was cold in here. Giving up I grab the fluffy teal blanket and tiptoe down the hall, attempting to find Jace's room. Five open doors later I find him. The room was very strange, white.. well everything, few personal items, no posters, and extremely clean. It was almost monk like. Jace, on the other hand, differed from his room greatly. All he gave off was color and light, and from what I had learned about him, he was in fact sentimental. I stand in the doorway puzzled, why is his room so stark and cold? I shrug it off and tip toe in, lightly shutting the door behind me, careful not to wake him. I lay down next to him softly, and just stare at him for a second. I finally had a chance to observe him without being smirked at. He was so perfect and sad, his mess of golden waves, molten gold eyes that always hid sadness and pain with sarcasm and crudeness. Eyes that became themselves for me. His toned, lean chest was shirtless and moving up and down, taking shallow breaths. Though even under his bronze tan I cold see the scars of abuse, the scars that made him like me. His mouth hung open lazily, showing off his chipped incisor, that many people would call an imperfection, but I thought it was cute. I close my eyes and snuggle up against his warm body that immediately defrosted my chills. I sigh in relief and drift off into the drug induced sleep, the drug being Jace.

I yawn, waking up from a nice, dreamless sleep. The bed was shaking like crazy, what the hell? Suddenly memory of entering Jace's bed reminds me I am not in fact alone. I snap my head to the left and see a whimpering Jace flailing, kicking, and shaking with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. Oh my god. I fly into a sitting position and shake him violently. "Jace" I whisper, I learned from the past yelling makes it worse and doesn't wake them up any quicker. I shake him harder. He shudders under my touch, scared- no terrified. "Please don't touch me.." He whimpers, and something in his voice makes me crack. Tears stream from my eyes as I shake him harder then before, "Jace please wake up, please, I love you.." I cry, holding his unyielding and shaking body to mine. At the words he suddenly calms and loosens in my grip, falling back into his dreamworld. I lie back down, gasping for air, heart pounding. I put pressure n my eyes and stop the tear flow, then take deep breaths. Calm down, it's okay, Jace is okay. I sigh, getting my head on straight. It was so disturbing, him curled in a fetal position, as if to protect himself, shuddering uncontrollably in fear, voice vulnerable and terrified. What was he dreaming about? I pull him closer to me and nuzzle in his neck. "You're safe, it's okay." I whisper to Jace, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. Deep down I knew I was just reassuring myself, because right now I realize he hasn't told me anything from his past, that ends tomorrow. Maybe everything isn't okay..

_(Jace)_

_"Don't touch me." I whisper, eyeing the man I used to consider my dad He no longer fit that meaning, he now meant fear. I try to keep my voice steady and strong, I try to stay brave and hide the shudders of terror racking through my body. "Come here boy." He snaps, motioning a hand at me. I don't budge. "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?" He hollers at me, rage consuming the evil man. "I heard you," I state avoid of any emotion. I was going for the stoic tactic, it didn't piss him off as much as when I had emotion. My head snaps up at the sound of footsteps skipping down the stairs. NO NO NO! "Why is yelling?" Grace, my four year old sister asks with an annoyed expression, "Yelling bad." "Grace go back up stairs." I state bluntly, staring her __down. I couldn't let him hurt her, I had to get her out of here. "But I-" She starts, "Now." I interrupt motion to the top of the stairs. "And don't come back down no matter what, unless I come get you okay?" I ask slow, trying to not panic and stay calm. She puts on her pouting face but does as told and starts to head up. I let go of the breath I was holding and look back at the man. He was grinning manically. "Grace, stop. Come back down." He calls to her with a fake kind voice, the voice he used to use on me. My heart pounds in my chest, thumping erratically. No, this isn't happening it can't be. "Goodie!" She coos, racing back down looking up at the man. He puts a hand in her hair and twirls it, humming and thinking. I squint my eyes shut, readying myself to fight him. He would not touch her. Ever. "Ahh.. You're hair is so pretty baby girl," He purrs softly, stroking it. "Thanks you!" She yells happily, grinning up at the devil of a man. "Mhmm.." He says, as he grips it tighter and lifts her into the air, feet dangling and kicking. "AHHHH!" She screams, tears pouring down her cheeks. I'm frozen, breath caught in my throat. "Hurt! Put me down!" She cries out, sobbing frantically. "Put her down now." I grunt, firmly, glaring him in the eyes. He smiles bigger at this. "Ah-ah-ah.. Only if we make a deal, if we can't agree, she may just have to play your part this afternoon." He sneers evilly, holding her higher, awarding more screams from my baby sister. I feel as if time was frozen. "What is it?" I slur, head spinning. "What is what?" He coos dramatically, Grace screams a the top of her lungs only making him laugh. "THE DEAL!" I shout at him, stepping closer, pulling the switchblade from my back pocket unnoticeably. "A trade her, for you." He states, raising an eyebrow to challenge. "Deal." I say, petrified with fear. He drops Grace and she falls to the ground ungracefully, the back of her head banging against the bottom stair. "GRACE!" I shout, tears blurring my vision. Suddenly the man collides with me, I kick and scream and punch, trying to remove him from me. "See what happens when you don't listen? Such a bad boy." He hisses in my ear. I use his distraction and pull out the blade, stabbing his side. He yells out in pain toppling from me. I stab him again, again, and again. I couldn't let him be alive, I had to make sure he was dead. Sobbing I crawl over to Grace and pull her lifeless body into my lap. I sob and yell and scream. It was all my fault. I was the reason for my sister's death. I couldn't take it anymore. I crawl over to the man's mutilated carcass and yank out the switchblade. I then sit on the ground next to Grace, and drag the blade across my wrist as deep as it could go. I sit there blood squirting from my deadly slice, and say the same words over and over. "I'm sorry." I then pass out from blood loss._

**_Hi! How'd you like Jace's past? Really sad. _**

**_Love or hate?_**

**_Get ready for some unexpected confessions next chapter!_**

**_Love y'all and keep reading and reviewing your support makes my world._**

**_love y'all xoxo-Kelse_**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi! How was your day? Hopefully good, and if it wasn't there is always tomorrow. Reviews are so ****encouraging, you all are so amazing and supportive I can't even. I love every single one of you, no matter what(: Please read, enjoy, and review! Well here goes nothing!(: xx-kelse**

(Clary)

The morning sun peeking through the cracked blinds wakes me up. I sigh, blissful and warm whilst snuggled against Jace. I can't stop thinking about his episode last night, it was so scary. I wonder if that's how I look. I shut my eyes, and take a deep breath. Calm down. The court case was today and I was terrified. Terrified of seeing my father and brother again. Terrified of not winning the case. Terrified of them hurting me again. Terrified, terrified, terrified. The thought of losing and having to go home with them makes my body shudder, remembering what their punches and kicks felt like. Right now I was entirely physically healed, not a single bruise. Thing is, the painful tingle of my thighs has yet to leave, at times they would ache painfully and bring me back to when it happened. To when he raped me. Letting out a shaky breath I pull myself from the warmth of the covers and onto the freezing wood floor. I pad into the bathroom and stare into the mirror. Same as always, sadly: Pale skin, frizzy auburn hair, too big eyes, no body, and scattered freckles. I grimace and quickly look away. Why did Jace love me? I mean he was an angel, kind, gorgeous, sympathetic, funny, easy to be around. Then there was me: Awkward and ugly as shit. I have no idea what he sees in me. Shaking my head, I rub my eyes trying to get my thoughts straight. While still massaging I feel two muscular arms wrap around my waist and pull me towards them. Something felt.. wrong. "Jace?" I question sleepily, in an unsure tone. No reply, I try to turn around, but when I do the arms only tighten, refusing to let me do so. This isn't happening. "JA-" I start to scream, only to have a rag held against my mouth. I kick and squirm, screaming against the ratty towel. All the sudden I get really tired. No, stay awake. I blink, trying to keep my eyes open. I couldn't fall asleep, Jace had to find me, I had to get hel-.

_(Jace)_

Yawning, I roll over on the bed, trying to drift back off to sleep. The room was so bright, what time was it? Squinting open my sensitive morning eyes I glance at the clock, 9:15. I sigh, I was too awake to go back to sleep now. Stretching my back I jump off the bed and into the bathroom: I really needed to pee. As I enter, I slip on something and fall to the floor quite ungracefully. Groaning I sit up to see what had caused me too fall. A really nasty rag. I scrunch up my knows and scoot away, not having enough motivation to get back on my feet. Where the hell is that rag from? Shaking my head confused I get up and exit my room. I wanted to check on my love, Clary. God, I loved her so much. From her fiery waves to her little black painted toenails. She was like a dream. Smiling I open the door to her room to find it.. empty. That's strange. Shrugging I walk down stairs, thinking maybe she's eating breakfast. She's not in the kitchen either. Or the living room. "IZ! HAVE YOU SEEN CLARY?" I shout up, hoping my sister can hear me over her music. The loud beat turns down and she yells, "Nope!" I am starting to get worried. My heart beat starts to quicken and adrenaline pumps through my veins. "It's okay.. She's fine." I whisper to myself, trying to to calm down. I couldn't lose her, I don't know where she is, but something is up. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that is slowly ebbing it's way through my whole being. It's a terrible feeling, it's dread. Wait.. It was 9:15, why was the room so bright? Shit. I sprint up the stairs two at a time and back into my room to see my window propped open, sun shining through and breeze crisp and wispy. No. No. This isn't happening. That's when I see it. The note. I snatch it from the window sill and read it: "Don't expect to see her again." Fear invades my system, slowing time and leaving me unable to breath. They took her.

_(Clary)_

I wake up for the second time that day, this time less comfortably. I am blindfolded, but can tell I'm on some metal surface from the cool hard feel on my back. My hands and legs are bound. I try to wiggle from the bonds, but without my eyes to assist me the attempts are pointless. My heart is going a mile a minute. This is my biggest nightmare come true. They have me, and they know I was pressing charges. I was to be tortured and killed. My breaths become shallow and uneven. I could feel my body collapsing into panic attack mode. My ears start to buzz, I can't seem to breathe, and I think my heart might just explode in my chest. I wish it would. Come one Clary. You have to be brave. I focus on calming down and take deep breaths, through the nose out the mouth. I try to conjure up my counselor's voice in my head, trying to remember the steps to staying calm and aware. They weren't working. 1) Take in your surroundings. Couldn't do that because of the damn blindfold. 2) Listen for any noise of hints towards whats happening. Silence. 3) Yell for help. That might just be a death wish. I start to sweat. I'm going to die. Tears pour from my eyes. They are going to hurt me, bad. The tears fall more quickly. Jonathan will touch me. Now I sob silently, body shuddering and contorting, trying to escape this hell. It had all been too perfect for a while, all good things must end. All perfect things must end terrible then. I whimper wishfully at the thought of jumping off that cliff, ending the pain, the suffering, the fear. I wish I had done it. Jace tried to save me, no one can save me. It's impossible. A loud creak brings me back to my senses, a door opening. My body freezes with fear, I try to hold in my shakes and sobs as I hear the figure approach me. I can't show fear, fear is weakness for me and power for them. I had to be strong. "Ahh Clarissa, my sister, good to see you again." A voice hisses, hot breath hitting my ear, making me want to cower away. "Take off the blindfold." I demand, managing to keep my voice straight and strong. "Anxious aren't we? Not yet my darling, we are going to have some fun first." I knew what he meant by fun. He was about to torture me. I tremble in fear, wishing only Jace was here to save me. I hear the loud screech of metal against metal, I tighten my body, prepping myself for the strike. It slams down on my stomach, tearing away skin and hitting me painfully hard. I bite my lip, attempting to keep my screams in. He slams down the whip again, this time attacking my right shoulder, I bite into my lip so hard I draw blood. My body shakes and shudders in pain, silent tears flow from my eyes. "Oh isn't this fun sissy?" He coos, bringing the whip down on my side, causing me to cry out. I can sense his smug smile, I just gave him accomplishment, a reason to strike me again. I'm so pathetic. "Why?" I ask hoarsely. "Why what?" He snaps, whipping me again, on the collar bone. I scream in pain, feeling the bone shatter beneath the whip. He laughs manically. "You used be good, you used to not hurt me… Why now?" I whisper, barely audible. I feel the blindfold ripped from me. "WHY?" He shouts, seething with rage. He lifts up his shirt and I see his back. It was one big scar, not an inch not scarred or swollen. I gasp in surprise. "You think he only hurt you?" He whispers maliciously, "You know he would hurt me worse if I helped you, a lot worse. I still did though, because I was in love with you. You never helped me. Thats when I realized you deserved what you got you selfish pathetic bitch!" He yells, bring the whip down on my thigh. The pain wells up and explodes on my skin, becoming too much to take, everything goes black as I pass out once again.

_(Jace)_

"This is 911 what is your emergency?" The woman's voice said over the phone. "Kidnapping and soon to be murder!" I rush out, practically screaming. I had to find her. Tension and fear fill my body at the thought of what might be happening to her right now. I have to find her immediately. "Okay we'll be right over." She says thoughtfully, paying no attention to that I yell, "Hurry!" I hang up and fall to the floor, head in my hands. It's all my fault, if only I had protected her. I promised I would keep her safe. I scream into my hands and punch the ground, once, twice. I fall to the floor sobbing. What have I done?

**Hi!**

**Dang plot twist..**

**Love or hate?**

**I know I love you guys(;**

**REVIEW!**

**I am scared for Clary..):**

**xx-kelse**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey(: I love you. That's all I have to say. xx-kelse PL: "Miss Jackson"- Panic! At the disco; "Human Being"- NONONO; "Silhouettes"- Of Monsters and Men**

_(Clary)_

When I wake up the first thing I notice is the cold. Then the dark. I couldn't see a thing around me, surrounded by the unknown. My teeth chatter as I shiver uncontrollably, it must be 20 degrees in here, and I'm in only a camisole and sleep shorts. I ball up, trying to conserve all my body heat. I knew it was pointless, I was going to die. I wonder if Jace has noticed I'm gone yet. Jace. I close my eyes, imagining his warm arms encircling me, keeping me alive. I feel tears sting at the back's of my eyes. No. I quickly blink them away. I have to stay strong. I will not be weak. I am going to fight. Taking a deep breath I stumble to my feet, lightheadedness almost bringing me back to the cement floor. Step one: Take in your surroundings. It was too dark to see, so I would have to see with my touch. I wonder what was in here. I feel the fear crawling up my throat, threatening to spill out and overcome me. I bite it back and grimace as I step forward. I fling my arms around in front of me, so that they would make contact with anything before me. The cold seeps through my skin, freezing me inside and out. I can't last much longer. Quickening my pace I slam into a metal wall. I suck in a breath surprised at the impact. I run my fingertips across the frigid wall, searching for buttons or something. There was nothing. I hear footsteps. At first they seem distant, but they get closer and closer. He's coming. Holding in a gasp I back up silently. "Clarissa," A voice coos from the blackness. I draw in a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching my fists. "I know you're in here.." It hisses, closer this time. I back up again, but this time I stumble and fall into a heap onto the floor. "Awe Clarissa.. Still scared of the dark are we?" Jonathan purrs, this time so close to my face I can see his warm breath in the cold. "No." I whisper firmly, thankful he couldn't see my body quivering in fear. "Oh but why not? Don't you remember?" He questions, stroking my face with the back of his hand. How can he see me? "I'll just remind you then.." He whispers to me as I try to breathe but fail. My heart beats so fast I can hear it in my ears, and my shallow attempts of breathing leave me light headed and desperate. "Once a time there was a little girl and a little boy playing hide and go seek. The little girl hid in the closet, where it was dark and difficult to find her. The little boy hid under the bed near the closet, wanting to stay near his little sister. The dad was down stairs counting. The dad was good at the game, he found the boy and immediately knew where his daughter was. But he didn't find her, no, he was bitter and cruel and angry, so he locked her in. She was left alone, unfed, and in the dark for two and a half days. The little girl started to go crazy, she would bang on the door and yell for someone to let her out. She then began to talk to herself, lack of food and water causing her hallucinations. When the door was opened she was found huddled in a corner in a ball, saying she was hiding from the dark. Don't tell me you're not afraid of the dark, Clarissa." Silent tears pour down my face, my body frozen with fear. I can't admit how much it scares me, how I still sleep with some lights on. "I'm not afraid." I state firmly. I'm terrified.

_(Jace)_

"I'm going after her, the cops are just backup in case I don't succeed." I explain to Izzy quickly, grabbing my phone and shoving the pistol in my waistband. "Oh Jace.." She sobs out, engulfing me in her arms. Right now though, I didn't care about dying, couldn't even think of it. All I knew was I had to save Clary. I would to if it was the last thing I did. It probably will be. "I have to go Iz. I love you." I rush, already walking towards the door. "I love you, Jace. I will see you tomorrow." She whispers, even I can hear the uncertainty in her tone. I get in the car and speed down the road towards Clary's. I didn't know if she was there or not. All I know is I have to find her. Soon. Without her I wouldn't have anything left. She kept my head on straight, made me feel accepted as who I am. I just can't lose her. Not like I lost Grace. If I make it back alive, I will tell her _everything._ I should have before, but I was trying to protect her. I didn't want her to have to worry about more than what she already had to. One day, when we're old and married, this will all be just a bad memory. We will have moved on and live a happy life together. I pull into her driveway and jump out of the car, sprinting for the door. Thankfully it was unlocked. I rush in and gallop up the steps two at a time. I find the second room on the left: her room. Walking in I do a quick look over checking for anything to help me find her. All I could find was her sketchbook. Which I took with me. Twenty minutes later after a sweep of the small house I still found nothing leading me too her. Wasting no time I run back out to the car, heading for the police station. Ten minutes later I pull in and run out of the car and into the office. I walk up to the front desk, an urgent air about me. "How may I help you?" The woman asks boredly, looking at me with lazy eyes. "I need you to trace a cellphone number. It's urgent; she's been kidnapped." I blurt out quickly, waiting for a response. Mournfully sighing she gets out of the chair and motions for me to follow. We arrive at an office which she knocks on. A man with kind blue eyes and grayish brown hair opens in response, smiling at us. "Hi. I need you to trace a number." I command, thrusting my phone at him. "Okay give me a minute." He murmurs motioning for me to come into the office with him. I stay standing, my adrenaline and anxiety wouldn't let me sit. The man plugs my phone up to the computer and starts typing a bunch of things. I have to find her. There is no other option. I have too. "Ahh. Here we are. 1225 RedWood avenue. Does that sound familiar?" He says kindly, handing me back my mobile. That doesn't make sense. That's Clary's address.

_(Clary)_

"I never knew he hurt you." I whisper quietly, fearful of his response to my boldness. He doesn't talk, so I continue. "I always thought he thought of you as a mini him, I didn't think he ever laid a hand on you. If I knew I would've helped you. Why didn't you tell me? I say quietly, anticipating a slap or kick. Nothing came. "You wouldn't have cared." He states simply, as if it was obvious. "I loved you. How can you think I wouldn't have cared?" I ask the cold was starting to turn into a burning sensation. I'm freezing to death. "I don't know.." He whispers, and suddenly I get a glimpse of the old Jonathan. Kind, caring, shy, and nervous. I missed the old him so much. Now all thats left is monster. Father infected him and now there is no curing him. "Do you still love me?" He asks quietly, rubbing circles on my cheek with his thumb. I swallow my repulsion, not wanting to anger him. "You hurt me, you- you raped me." My voice catches, tears cracking through my defense system. "I'm so sorry." He says, removing his hand from my cheek. "I don't know what I've become. I'm a demon." He murmurs, self loathing filling his tone. "I miss you." I admit hoarsely. I hear him take a deep breath. "I'm getting you out of here." He says sure of himself, inserting his hand in mine and pulling me up.

**What did you think?  
Huge plot twist w Jon!  
Love or hate or ehh?  
REVIEW!  
I love you all so much its crazy.**

**xx-kelse**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry its been a while, been extremely busy): anyways I probably** **won't be able to update from tuesday-saturday.. I'm so sad I will miss you all so so much! There is a slim chance I might be able to update so keep checking! I will update tomorrow though! Don't think I just stopped writing I will be up and running again after then(: Anyways I really liked an idea a review gave me so I'm going to use it! Here goes nothing xx-Kelse PL: "Love"-nonono; "When you can't sleep at night"-Of Mice & Men**

_(Clary)_

Shivers crackle like fireworks throughout my body, spasming it randomly. The cold was now inside of me, I felt frozen inside out. Jonathan runs ahead of me, light and elegant as always, leading me to freedom from this hell. I still haven't forgiven him, he ruined me and my life, he took everything away from me and fills my dreams with darkness. He hurt me. Corrupted me. Neglected me. I have to trust him though, take a leap of faith and believe he was helping me. My mind hasn't decided whether or not to trust him, but instincts have. They say survive, and I have no chance unless I follow him, so I do. My frost-bitten feet pound painfully on the rock hard floor underneath me. We were in some kind of tunnel, dark enough to see five feet in front of you, but not past that. "Almost there," I hear Jonathan's tired voice whisper from just ahead of me. The only thing of him I can see are his grey converse, jogging in the darkness before me. They come to an immediate halt, unceremoniously causing me to run smack into him and hurdle us both to the ground. I grunt, dazed, "Why the hell did we stop?" He responds only with quick, shallow breathing and the familiar stench of fear. I know what I'm going to see before I look up. Father.

So I keep my gaze to the ground, trying to be submissive to throw him off guard when I attack. I will attack. "Ah it looks as if brother and sister have reunited, how _sweet." _He spits, and I can feel his glare with out looking up. He then starts to laugh. It's not a chuckle or giggle but one of those hysterical psychotic laughs. It was terrifying. "Is this some kind of cosmic joke, Jonathan? Give her hope and then lead her to me to make the pain worse. Excellent idea if I say so myself." He hums, as if trying to cover the fact that he knows what's happening. He's in denial. I look up to see his expecting gaze fixed on a shaking Jon. I assume it's not from the cold. "That would be incorrect." He states, trying to keep his voice firm, brave. He failed. Father's once insanely humorous eyes harden into pure rage. "Then may I ask what you all were doing?" He sneers, eyes narrowing and barring his teeth viciously, as if he were a wild animal. Now it is my turn to prove to Jon I will and would have protected him. I have to stay strong. I have to be fearless. "No." I say matterofactly, with a lazy tone, glancing up at him. His once angry eyes now seem to light on fire burning lividly. If looks could kill I would be tortured and killed in the most painful way possible. "EXCUSE ME?" He hollers at me, spit splattering my face. I wipe it off with my arm, grimacing. I had to get him to talk as long as I could, until I could come up with a plan. Fear settles in my stomach and I feel as if I might throw up. I may be an idiot for doing this but I need to buy time. "Yes excuse you, you spit all over my face you pig!" I shout back, glaring into his bottomless black eyes, letting mine show all the anger from the years. I feel white hot pain across my cheek as he slaps me. I pick up my courage and take a deep breath. And I slap him back.

A look of utter surprise passes over his face, as he blinks a couple times as if to see whether or not it was real. "I always knew you were stupid.." He whispers dangerously, grabbing me by the hair and throwing me into the wall. My body cries out with sharp pain, the worst I've ever felt. It reminds me of the pain in the dream where I jumped from the cliff. Except this time it's real. I take in a shaky breath, my body singing in pain. I can't move. Something is very wrong. Now it's Jonathan's turn, he gets up and edges toward our distracted father. He pulls a pocket knife from his back pocket, brings his arm back and.. I hear a loud pop. Gunshot. Jon falls to the ground in a limp heap. Crimson blood pouring from his side and spreading across the tile. I floods over to me, wetting my shoes and pants. I try to move but my body won't let me. My legs won't work. "Jonathan!" I sob out, "NO NO NO NO!" I holler swing my arm and slapping the sticky warm floor. Wait.. father doesn't have a gun, does he? I look up at him and see that he is confused. If he didn't shoot who did? I look around. Thats when I see it. The gold. No, this isn't happening. He didn't do this. He wouldn't. He steps into my vision and finally seems to notice my crippled, sobbing form. "Why did you kill him!? He was saving me!" I wail, closing my eyes and banging my head against the wall. I try to move again but my legs won't cooperate. I open my eyes to see Jace approaching me, worry written all over his face. "Clary your legs wh-" He cuts off with a gasp of pain and shock. I then notice my father behind him, holding a knife in Jace's back, and twisting it around and around. Jace's gun clatters to the ground, sliding three feet away from me. Tears pour from my eyes but I can't make noise. I know what I have to do. My legs refuse to move so I army crawl towards the weapon, being as unnoticeable as possible. I grasp the handle and point it at him, trying to aim from my stomach is difficult. I pull the trigger. The gunshot rings through the air as father cripples to the floor. Letting out a shaky breath I look to my angel on the floor, bleeding out. I have to save him. I have no other option. I have to. Gritting my teeth I army crawl to him, trying to contain my cries of pain. He's so close, yet so far. Pain consumes my physical state, but it was nothing compared to the pain of thinking that Jace might die. Crawling faster I finally reach him. I pull his phone from his pocket, and shakily dial 911. "Hello what is your emergency?" The feminine voice rings over the line. "Shot.." I mutter, letting the phone clatter to the floor. I lay next to Jace, hot blood soaking my clothing. "I love y-you." I stutter, adrenaline leaving, rendering me unconscious from the pain.

**Hihihi! Super huge plot twist!  
Our story is beginning to come to a close)):  
Love or hate?  
Oh my god poor Jace!  
Can you guys guess what's wrong with Clary?  
Poor Jon too.  
Ehh Valentine deserved worse.  
Love you guyssss  
xx- Kelse**


	21. Chapter 21

hi guys! Sorry I haven't updated)): You can count on an update on saturday so make sure to check! Ive been on break and can't use the laptop w out my parents knowing.. Anyways the story is not over yet! Don't worry. There are still at least three chapters left and I will be writing more stories right after this one is over so make sure to check out those. I just want to thank you guys for the support, having you here for me it just means more than you could know. I love all of you and just wanted to let you know. Thanks so much for the 150 reviews! It is so amazing thank you so much its so nice to have support on something like this. Thank you for always being here for me. Remember updating saturday so please don't give up on me. Love you.  
xx- Kelse


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey! Sorry it's been so long guys!): But I'm back now and I'm so so happy! Sorry I left you guys on a huge cliff hanger I didn't mean to I didn't have time to write another chapter before I left. Anyways thank you so much for the support and awesome reviews! It's the best feeling to have so much encouragement on my first fic ever(Trust me it won't be my last!) Anyways the next fic will be TMI because some people asked! So sad this story is coming to a ****close! Love every single on of you!  
xx-Kelse**

_(Jace)_

I'm running. My feet move on their own accord, pulling me forward. Water flies up as my feet slap into puddles of cool water. I barely notice it. I barely notice anything, that is, except the tint of red 100 feet away from me. The tint of crimson that was just thrown into a wall and crumpled to a heap. I open my mouth as if to call out to her, but only strained breath comes out. I have to get to her. I have to. I won't let this happen again. She isn't Grace. She's okay. I will save her. Breathing deeply through my nostrils, I push forward even faster, as fast as I could go. My muscles scream and ache in protest, but I pay no attention. That's when I see him, Jonathan, he is walking towards Clary, something silver gleams between his fingers. A knife. Without second thought I silently pull the pistol from my waistband, take aim, and shoot. His body collapses to the floor ungracefully. Clary screams a sound of loss and disbelief, her small body trembling with sobs. "Jonathan…" She whimpers, body caving in on itself. Out of nowhere a look of rage fills her features, "NO NO NO NO!" She screams angrily, hand slamming down on the blood soaked floor angrily. What? I quickly dash closer to her, into her line of vision. Her sorrow-filled eyes look up at me and betrayal flickers through her green orbs, causing me to stagger back. I came here to find her, I saved her. Why was she so upset with me. That's when I see her legs, and my eyes widen as my heartbeat picks up. They are twisted every which way and sprawled in front of her body like limp spaghetti noodles. I hold in nausea at the horrific sight. "Why did you kill him!? He was saving me!" Clary wails pathetically, throwing her head against the wall as if to wake herself from a nightmare. I wish it was just a nightmare. It's like Grace all over again, and my mind just can't seem to process that this is happening. "Clary your legs wh-" I start to ask worriedly, only to feel a painful jab in my back. I suck in a breath of surprise, as my eyes widen. No, this isn't happening. I _have _to get Clary out of here, safe. My pistol unceremoniously clatters to the floor as the knife twists painfully in my back. I fall into a pile on the sticky floor. Get up you coward, get the hell up, I inwardly moan. I open my mouth to tell Clary I love her; only to black out.

_(Clary)_

_I'm running, __breath short and shallow after miles of running and running and running. Tears slip from my eyes, down my cheeks, and fly into the air behind me. I'm moving faster than I ever have before, feet moving so quickly they barely make contact with the ground. I grunt frustrated, with every leap I take forward he goes farther back. It was a never ending chase. "Jace!" I shout at him, trying to make him see me, come back to me. He just stares distantly, golden eyes empty. I don't even know why I needed to catch him, I just did. Black dots begin to blur my vision, I had been going at this pace for much to long. I was going to kill myself. "Jace" I scream pathetically, tears pouring faster. I had to get to him. "Jace it's me, it's me come back I love you!" I shout, staring at him, feet still flying. My lungs burned and my feet tore but I kept running. All I could do was run. Suddenly his once distant eyes fill with recognition and worry. Using this as motivation, I move even quicker, though I didn't think it possible. He stops moving and stays, arms outstretched. I close my eyes and smile, ready to feel his warm and tender embrace. Then I hear the grunt. My eyes fly open to see his body collapse to the floor, ruby liquid flowing from him. The blood keeps flowing and flowing. I slip and clatter to the floor near him. I attempt to stand but my legs won't work. I scream as the blood rises higher and higher, to my knees, my chest, my neck. And then I was completely submerged, thrashing and trying to stand. I'm drowning in his blood. I attempt to scream only to have it enter my lungs choking me. And then darkness. _

I wake up to a loud beeping. Taking deep breaths to calm myself I open my bloodshot eyes. I was in a small white room in a fold up bed, there were large machines surrounding me and tubes in my nose and arms. The beeping continued, slowly quieting. Heart rate monitor, I realize relieved. Then I realize why I am here, in this room. Jace. My eyes sting as they fill with tears. My heart feels as if its been split in half. He's gone. I might as well have been the one who stabbed him. I killed him. My shoulders heave as I begin to sob. Jace. Jace. Jace. The image of him collapsing keeps replaying in my mind. "Stop crying." I mumble, putting hard pressure on my eyes. "You're a pathetic bitch and you killed him. You don't deserve to cry." I can't help but think that if I had jumped that day, he would still be living, he would still be alright. More guilt and self-hatred fills me at the thought. Why was I so worthless and selfish? Why can't I just die already? Why couldn't it have been me instead of him? Taking in a shaky breath I push the scratchy covers from my body and sit up. I had to check and see if there is a small chance he is alive. "Please.." I whisper hoarsely. I knew though that it was impossible. He was gone and I might as well be. I try to turn my legs but they don't budge. What the actual fuck? Furrowing my eyebrows I try again, to no avail. Memories flood back to me, being thrown into the wall, having to army crawl, being unable to move. At the time I hadn't though about it, considering the love of my life was just stabbed by my abusive father. Jace. I had to make sure.

Closing my eyes I take a deep breath and hurl my body from the cot onto the linoleum floor. Pain shoots up my spine at the contact, I bite my lip trying to withhold a scream. It didn't work. Nurses fly in from every which way picking my body up, setting it on the bed and examining for injury. "What happened, doll." A nurse with silky blonde hair and piercing mocha eyes ask worriedly. "I fell," I grumble annoyedly at her stupidity, "I thought that would be obvious." Smiling tightly and fakely she looks me in the eye, "I meant how did you end up on the floor?" She questions in a sugar sweet tone, with a hint of irritation. She reminded me too much of Kaelie for my particular liking. I was in no way in the mood for this, no one is treating me like shit after what I'd been through, especially not some fake nurse. "Oh I don't know maybe I accidentally rolled out?.." I reply sarcastically, looking at her with disgust. She sighs looking at the ceiling. "Celine, you leave I'll take care of this." A woman with chestnut hair and kind grey eyes says to the blonde cooly. The blonde then nods tersely and exits the room. "Sorry about that she isn't always the most considerate." The woman sighs, looking up at me with pity. "What- What's wrong with me." I whisper, pain and fear woven in my tone. She looks at me sadly, "You're paralyzed from the waist down."

I sit there in shock, taking in her words. I didn't know what I had been expecting but it definitely wasn't this."Oh" I mumble meekly, staring at the floor. I resist the urge to cry, crying wouldn't make my legs work again. I take a deep breath, gathering my sense and look her in the eye. "I'll be needing a wheelchair." I state firmly. She nods and motions to my right. "Do you need help?" She asks kindly. "Just bring over the chair I can do it myself." I say determined, I could do this. She rolls it up to the cot and stands near in case I mess up. I shove myself off the bed and into the chair. Situating myself in the wheel chair I look up and meet her eyes. "Is a man of the name Jace Lightwood by any chance erhm.. living?" I ask nervously, mind bubbling with hopes and fears. He has to be. He can't be dead. Rolling her eyes she looks at me expectantly,

"You mean the jackass in room eight?"

**Jace slowly kisses down your neck, hands roaming your body.  
His lips capture yours in a passionate embrace.  
He stares into your eyes deeply, moves, hot breath caressing your ear  
"Review.." He whispers**

Review for Jace((:

**Anyways, one more chapter and an epilogue**

**JACE IS ALIVE BITCHES WHOOP WHOOP!**

**RREEVVIIEEWW it means so much to me**

**Love you all, don't give up, it will get better.  
xx- Kelse**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi there! Okay so sadly this is the final chapter of Hopeless.),: But good new I am starting a new story tomorrow so please check it out, it wil be TMI and I am ****about to give you all some choices for what it should be about. Please review to tell me your answer! 1) Clary lives with her mother, Jocelyn who sleeps around every night and mildly abuses Clary. Clary then meets Jace Herondale, a mysterious boy with a dark past. Will they save each other, or cause each other to fall deeper into the depths of depression? EX: "You're an accident." She hisses in my ear, cherry colored lips taunting me, "You weren't supposed to be born." I face away, hiding my inner torment from the monster, I couldn't give her the satisfaction she so desperately wanted. "You are a pathetic excuse for a daughter, I should've left you while I could." She bites, gripping my chin forcefully to set her gaze on me, "Nobody cares about you, you are useless and a slut. Now get out of my face I have to go to work." She sneers, sliding from the stool and strutting out of the door in her mini skirt and fishnets, off to meet another customer. / 2) My life sucks. Mom and dad won't stop fighting, Jon is leaving for college, my boyfriend uses me as his personal punching bag, and to top it off I'm daily harassed and bullied by Kaelie, Aline, and Izzy. I thought things couldn't get any worse and then he showed up.. that freakish golden kid. EX: "Wow it looks like Aline has finally found a bigger slut than her.." Simon lets on staring down the hall with a mildly disgusted expression. I glance up from my sketchpad to see her and some new kid getting pretty handsy. Grimacing I quickly look away, PDA was definitely not my thing. "Who even is that guy?" I ask dubiously, as I begin to sketch the rose again. "I don't know much but I think his name is Jace? The girls won't shut up about him." He mutters, looking over my shoulder at the drawing. The bell rings telling us to go to class, I grab my bag and start walking, staring at the floor careful not to make eye contact with _them. _Out of nowhere I collide with a body and go flying to the floor unceremoniously. I look up dazed to see the new guy.. Jack? "Sorry.." He mutters apologetically offering me his hand. Ignoring it I pull myself to my feet. "I mean I always knew I could sweep a girl off her feet but never this." He chuckles, smirking at me pridefully. Asshole. Glaring at him menacingly I turn to walk away. "Hey! I'm really sorry, I'm Jace by the way!" He purrs, and I can feel the smirk on his lips. Oh Jace is his name.. like I care. "You look it." I throw back, not offering my name. / THERE! anyways tell me which one!  
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_Third Pov_

"I'm so happy." Clary whispers, mostly to herself, but just loud enough her husband could hear. She stares out in the yard, admiring their wonderful home. Her smile widens as she watches her beautiful children play. There was Grace with her father's piercing golden eyes and Clary's wild mess of crimson curls. Grace was the calm one, always observing her surroundings instead of speaking. She reminded Clary immensely of herself as a child. Then there was Mason with Clary's emerald eyes and Jace's silky blonde locks. He was the stellar opposite of Grace, always speaking and running around, trying to put as much attention on himself as possible.

Clary couldn't help but giggle as he desperately tried to gain Grace's undivided attention. Being twins at the age of three they were extremely close, and rarely left each others side. "Gray.." Mason whined exasperated trying to grab her hand and get her to play. Mason couldn't manage to say his c's or s's so he had come up with the nickname for her. Clary glanced over to her husband, seeing that he was being very quiet, something very rare for him. "What are you thinking about? Clary asked curiously, looking up at his serene expression. "About how lucky I am." He whispers in a quiet tone as if he were in some wonderful dream and couldn't believe it was real. She knew this because she felt the exact same way. "Me too." She says joyfully as he moves his hand and grips hers lovingly, rubbing soothing circles on her skin.

Everything of her past now felt as if were a bad memory, the only reminder being the scars and the wheelchair. But she could live with them. "You know what they say about love wearing off after some time of marriage?" Jace asks her quizzically, staring down at her. Her mind begins to race with bad thoughts, did he know longer love her? She looks back up at him, uncertain and nervous as he whispers, "It might be the biggest lie I've ever heard. We have been married ten years and each time I look at you I feel as if I am seeing you for the first time all over again." Clary's heart stops at this, color rushing to her cheek bones. "I'm all old and ugly.." She mutters, although the past was gone her insecurities were not. "You are breathtaking Clarissa Lightwood." He says quietly, tucking a red wave behind her ear and pecking her lips lovingly. "And so are our children." Clary rubs her swollen stomach enthusiastically, "Two down one more to go." She says smiling up at him and looking into the dazzling eyes she was so in love with.

"So have we decided on a name?" Jace mutters, glancing down at her belly once again. "Well it's a girl.." Clary says pondering the many names going through her head. "Ive got it." Jace says, looking down at her, eyes alight with idea. "Tessa." Clary mulls over the name, its feminine but not to much so, easy to say, and she loved it. It was perfect. "I love it." Clary says, imagining what her baby Tessa would look and be like. No matter what she would be perfect to them. "Grace, Mason time to go inside it's getting late!" Jace calls out, motioning for them to come back. They hobble back over, still slightly unsteady on their feet. Mason's mouth is pulled into a scowl while Grace is smirking proudly. Clary rolls her eyes, knowing of their silly fights. "Hmph." Mason groans. They all ignore him, knowing very well what would come next. "HMph." He says again, a little bit louder. Clary holds in a giggle and continue to pretend she didn't hear. "HMPHH!" He practically shouts, tapping her shoulder. "Oh? I'm sorry do you need to say something?" Clary asks pretending to be oblivious to what was happening. "Grace won't play." He pouts, crossing his arms and sticking his bottom lip out. God he was so much like Jace. "Too bad; so sad." Grace states, smirking bigger and walking inside after Jace. Mason's scowl grows. Clary shrugs at him and he mutters, "women." Clary stifles a groan at the sayings Mason had already picked up on from is father. "Go inside I'll be there in a second." Clary says, patting his back. He dashes inside while Clary situates her chair and rolls inside to be with her family.

**Hi I just wanted to thank every one of you for reviewing. It shows me that people actually care whether or not I update and makes my day. Being my first story I expected literally 7 reviews so having over 150 is the best feeling in the world. Thank you all I love you all and your funny reviews and hope you will read my next fanfic!(: R&R  
xx- Kelse**


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